


Substitutes

by Zelda_of_Arel



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Action/Adventure, Adult Content, Alternate Universe, Angst, Complete, Dubious Consent, F/M, Heterosexual Sex, Pregnancy, Romance, Sexual Content, Vampire Sex, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-27
Updated: 2012-10-27
Packaged: 2017-11-17 03:28:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/547144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zelda_of_Arel/pseuds/Zelda_of_Arel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Spike, Angel, Buffy. What do their hearts desire? Can strong feelings diminish with time, and new love awaken from their ashes? Or are they just substitues for what they really long for?</p><p>Takes place after the 2nd season.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Substitutes

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: All characters and plot lines are the property of Joss Whedon. I do not own any of it or make any money from it.
> 
> Author's Notes: This is an old story that I wrote some time at the start of this century. My English wasn't as good back then as it is now, and I have also progressed in my writing a lot. However, it's still my baby, and I would like to have it up in a few places. So if you read it, be gentle, and see it as a stepping stone, not as a final destination.
> 
> Original author's notes: (Just to keep the vintage aspect real.) Thanks: to all my friends (Alex, Andi, etc...) and my mom.
> 
> Other things: This little story is happening after Becoming 2. Yes, a Becoming fic!
> 
> Author's notes: Send me comments. Lot’s of them. Tell me if you hated it, loved it. Praise or vomit, what you think. Just tell me why.

LA. City of Angels. A huge city full of everything. Normal people would only think that the living and the dead existed here. The living on the streets and in the houses, the dead under the ground. Not many really know that creatures lurk in the dark. They are not really alive, but not dead either. This city of its millions of people is one of the best places for them. No one really cares if a few people disappear. That isn't unusual in a big city. 

One member of the undead, in fact, a childe of an Angel, was walking the streets. A little bit drunk, still, he wasn't staggering, his way was straight. Melancholy lingered around him and it wasn't anything new. He did this every night. Many weeks had passed since he got here, driving with his unconscious love like a madman from Sunnyhell. The minute she awakened he stopped. It was still dark outside. A lamp from the street lit her pale face and she would have seemed dead to any man. She was holding on to a doll in her lap. Its dress torn a bit, dirty, but the white porcelain face was in contrast to her owner's. 

"Dru. Princess," he tried. 

She opened her eyes and looked him in the face. For a moment disorientation and wonder shined through them. 

"Spike? Where's Daddy? Miss Edith wants Daddy," she fingered the doll in her hand. 

"He's back in Sunnyhell," his voice was calm, barely audible. 

"Where are we?" she looked around. 

"In Los Angeles." 

"Why did you bring me here? Did you let that Slayer hurt my Angel?" she was turning frantic and Spike knew it. 

"Dru. It's just the two of us now. Just before wuss boy lost his soul." 

"But Miss Edith wants Angel. You hit me so I couldn't help my Daddy," she whined. 

"Dru, pet..." he tried to calm her down with a pain in his unbeating heart. 

"Miss Edith says that we should punish you for this," with these words she pulled out a stake and aimed at Spike. 

He grabbed her wrist and tried to yank the weapon out of her hand. She tried with all her might to plunge it into his heart, but suddenly, he let go. Her hand came flying down in an arch, just missing him. Then its way bend and finally stopped. In Drusilla's heart. She looked up at him with frightened eyes, exploding into ashes. He just stared at the dust on his seat and the doll that was also covered with it, hardly understanding what has happened. 

After four weeks he was still here. Spike hadn't left the country like he had promised the Slayer. He lived in a shabby warehouse, sleeping on a pile of rags. He didn't care anymore for his surroundings, the pain walked with him as his shadow. To an outside observer he looked just like another homeless man. No one would have believed that he was a master vampire, killer of two slayers, over two hundred years old. 

He was slumped into his delirium that the strong liquor he gulped down every night caused. He rounded a corner and came face-to-face with two men and a girl in the alley. Spike just stood there for a moment, staring through foggy vision, then quickly jumped back where he came from. 

"C'mon fang face, can't you put up a bit more fight than your little bro here?" 

'The witty remark, that voice. Slayer!' it echoed in his drunken brain. What was she doing here? Obviously, the Slayer didn't notice him. He peeked back and saw that she was all done, picking up her stake from a pile of ash. 'Cute ass,' he thought to himself, taking in her petite frame. Next, he turned and headed back down the way he came, Buffy never noticing his presence. 

* * *

The Slayer laid down on her bed. It had been an exhausting night. She couldn't believe how much L.A. was full of vampires. She had gotten more of them in the four weeks she had spent here, than in around twice as much time in Sunnydale. 

The room was bare and ugly, but cheap. She couldn't afford anything more. For some time she just stared at the gray, water stained ceiling, enjoying the quiet in her head. Though from the outside the noises of the big city came. The never ceasing row of cars, honks here and there to wake up the weary men. An alarm went off in the distance. Was it really far away, or near and just her state made it seem distant? This was not a good part of town. Not like if she cared. Not like if she cared about anything these days. 

She looked over at the small nightstand, where a picture of her friends stood. She missed them. Many times she had reached to the phone to call up Willow, or any one of them, but she didn't. Why? At the first sound of their voice she would have ran home. She didn't want to do that. She wanted to forget Angel and there were too many things to remind her of him there. The Bronze, where he always came to worn them. He stepped out of the darkness into her life to change it forever. From the first moment she looked into those eyes, she was lost. The school, where they defeated the Master and closed down the way to Hell. How many hours she had spent there with the others, searching for a way to stop the World from ending. Her room, where they first kissed. He almost frightened her to death, when she saw him changed. She wasn't truly afraid, rather surprised. The pain started to pile up in her heart and she quickly pushed the memories back, where they could do no more harm to her. 

Slaying at night, working as a waitress during the day. She had gone into this routine fast and was running on automation usually. 

Buffy got up and stripped her clothes, heading to the shower. The warm water felt good on her naked body and she just concentrated on the feeling. The heat enveloped her, the streaming water caressed her like a sweet lover. She forgot everything in its arms. It only deepened her exhaustion and after drying herself she fell on the bed, asleep immediately as she dropped down on the thin mattress. 

* * *

Spike fell down on the rags he had slept on for the last weeks. A cloud of dust flew up at his impact and covered him falling down. The vampire didn't notice it really, he didn't notice many things nowadays. He thought back to the Slayer. Pictures of her fighting appeared in front of him, her style, energy that surrounded her for everyone to feel it. A real fighter. Then she was walking besides him, not truly understanding why he wanted to save the World. 

'She's cute,' he thought. 'Why did I ever want to kill her? Well, I killed the last two who I met. But she's different. What I would give to make her mine.' It struck him. With Dru gone, he had no queen. Not like if he had wanted one before. To make a slayer his childe... 

"Now there's a bloody idea!" he shouted out loud. 

Next, he looked around. He was dirt and everything else too. The sire of an ex-slayer couldn't live in such place. However, his trail of thought was cut short. The drinks finally overpowered him and he dozed off into a long sleep. 

* * *

Buffy didn't sleep for long. She opened her eyes and saw that it was just the brake of dawn. Going to the window, she gazed out to the sky as the first rays of the sun hit it. 

"Another day," she said out loud. 

For some time she watched in silence as the clouds were lit up. Red, yellow and orange colors played on them, the light reached her face and now she felt the rays too. The warm caressed her skin and Buffy bathed in it. She closed her eyes and threw her head back. Her mind calmed down as she stood there, not thinking of anything. She listened to the sounds of the street, the never-ending noise of cars, people walking, the murmur of Los Angeles. The angels. 

She stepped away from the window and opening her eyes, she saw stars for a minute. Then Buffy decided to go back to sleep until her clock told her to get to work. 

* * *

Joyce was sitting in the kitchen, a coffee mug in her hand. She was looking at the spot where she told her daughter to never come back if she went out. What a mistake it was. Giles told everything to her about what Buffy had been through the last two years. She loved Angel very much and she was going to send his body to Hell. What did her mother do about it, instead of respecting her greatly to be able to do that for the World? She told her not to come back. Now her baby was somewhere out there in great pain and she couldn't even help her. 

The sound of the doorbell brought her out of her thoughts. Her heart started to race, just as every time the bell rang, expecting Buffy to be pushing it, having come home. She got up and headed for the front door. It was Giles and she opened it. No Buffy. 

"H-Hello, Joyce. I-I was on my way to school and was wondering if you... were all right." 

"I'm fine. Come in." She led him to the kitchen. "Coffee?" 

"Yes. Thank you." 

"I didn't know you worked in the summer as well, Giles." She poured another cup of the steaming liquid. "Sugar, milk?" 

"Both. Two spoons of the sugar, please." 

Joyce put the cup in front of him, having put everything he asked for, in it. 

"Thank you. Actually, I'm not working. I just use the library. Trying to find a prophecy that might help us find her. Or maybe some danger that Sunnydale m-might face." 

"That's nice of you." 

"Buffy... is like a daughter to me. I know I shouldn't feel that way because I'm her watcher. However, I can't help it. She's no unusual girl." He drank his cup. 

"No." Tears sprang forth from Joyce's eyes and sobs wracked her body. Giles silently called himself an idiot and stood up. He walked behind her, engulfing her in a hug. She turned in his arms on the stool and buried her head in his chest like a little girl. He tried to comfort her by gently stroking her back. She looked up at him and their eyes met. Giles didn't notice it, but he was silently crying as well. At an impulse, he lowered his head to capture her lips with his. She was surprised at first, but then responded to the kiss. Their lips met in a light fashion, not having kissed for some time really, savoring the taste of the other. Realizing what he was doing, Giles broke away and ran out the kitchen door onto the street. Joyce just looked after him, baffled at his actions. She touched her lips with a finger, the feeling still there. 

* * *

He opened his eyes and set up. Looking at his watch he saw that it was past sundown. He knew that there was something else he wanted to do tonight, not just get drunk again. Thinking hard he remembered the Slayer. Yes! He was going to take her! But first, he needed to do a few changes. He looked through his shabby coat and found his wallet with his card. His account was full, thanks to computers. No one needed a gun to rob banks anymore. With a grin on his face, he walked out of the building, never to return again. 

Walking on the busy streets, he stopped in front of a big hotel. 'This should do. The perfect residence for a master,' he smiled to himself. 'I like that. The biggest Master in LA.' 

He entered the shining hall with full comfort and made his way strait to the receptionist, not glancing around to look at the decor. 

"Can I help you sir?" the man asked wryly, sipping in the air. 

Spike smiled at him. He knew that the scent of liquor, sweat and dirt surrounded him like a cloud. With perfect calmness he took out his card. 

"I want your best room, mate." 

"I'm afraid that's impossible." 

Spike frowned. He wanted to suck this snob dry. Instead, he just looked the man in the eye. 

"Check the card. I can afford it. I need to have a shower, so you'll just get me my key and I'll go up." 

With a shrug, he checked Spike's card on his machine and stared with shock at the screen. He quickly turned and with a smile handed him his card and a key. 

"That'll be the Ambassador suite. Sign your name right here, Mr. Keyworth. David will show you to your rooms, sir." He gestured to a porter standing nearby. 

Spike smiled wide at the change in the man's manners. Money opened up all gates, that was no lie. 

The boy led him to the elevator that took them to the top. There they got out in a small hall with only a twin door in front of them. David opened the doors and led them inside. Spike felt the soft touch of the carpet under him as his shoes slumped into them. He looked around and was impressed by the rich decor of the living room. 

"This is the living room sir." David walked around, showing him the rooms. "Here's the bar with a small refrigerator." He stepped to another door and swung it open. "This is one of the bedrooms." 

Spike stepped next to him. There was a king size bed in the middle with two nightstands on either sides and two closets. Yeah. This sure was a place for the Slayer. 'I can't call her Slayer after I turn her. I'll have to come up with some options. Hmm. Pet, ducks, Buffy, luv. Well, I called her luv the first time I met her. I could come up with some more later,' he wondered. 

Next they took a look at the bathroom. The huge tub awakened some memories of dreams with Buffy in Spike. He could just see her now, laying in his arms, the hot water mingling with the coldness of his skin. Even thinking of it made him rock hard. 'I have to get this wanker out of here.' 

"Sir, sir, there's another bedroom this way." David tried to call some attention to himself. 

"Thank you mate, that'll be all." From his worn wallet he took out five dollars and the porter left, making sure that Spike remembered his name. 

Spike entered the bathroom and shed his clothes. He started the water and stepped into the cold shower cabin that was the other cleaning option here. He groaned at the long felt experience, also at the feeling of his arousal going down and sat his mind at work. He needed clothes, a new car, minions, and a plan to capture her. 

Coming out of the shower he put on a robe and lifted the phone that sat on the coffee table in the living room. 

"I would like the shop. Yes, send up some black leather pants and jacket, oh, also a red shirt and don't forget some Doc Martins shoes. My measurements are..." Now for a little breakfast. 

He walked down the streets feeling like his old self again, ready for the kill. Spike almost whistled a happy tune, if he hadn't wanted to sneak up on his victims. The real reason why he felt so up was the fact that he knew how not to be alone anymore. He was never alone. First there was Angelus, then Dru. He hated being alone. When he had the Slayer, he was going to be with someone again. And Buffy wasn't just anyone. 

He had sold his car and had already fed off a couple of people. 'Maybe one more and then I'll go back to the hotel.' 

He heard voices coming from a nearby alley. 'No. I can't get _this_ lucky.' As he saw who the voices were coming from, he got excited with anticipation. 'I can.' He acknowledged with a grin as he saw the petite blond tackle a vampire about two heads higher than herself. He stepped back, letting her finish. Spike quickly came up with a plan. When the vampire was dust he was behind her in a flash, a garbage-can top in his hand. With a large bang he struck down, and smiled when the Slayer fell unconscious at his feet. 

* * *

He set her down on the bed and tied her with the ropes he always had in his car, but which he took out when he sold it. Those ropes were even strong enough to hold him. The vampire knew that he was lucky she hadn't woken up till he got here. He must have hit her real hard. Spike noticed her stir. Then her eyes popped open. 

Buffy first shut her eyes against the strong light. Her head was throbbing fearfully. She wanted to put a hand over the hurt, when she realized that her hands were tied. Forcing her eyes open again, she saw the blond vampire standing at the foot of the bed. 'The foot of a bed? I'm tied to a bed!' This alarmed her a little as she tried to free herself by yanking at the ropes. 

"No good, pet. You can't get free." 

"Spike! Haven't I told you to scramb?" 

"Well luv, with Dru gone, I just didn't want to leave the country." 

"I'm sorry about Dru." 

The honest pain in her voice surprised him. He didn't expect her pity. 

"And, what are you doing in LA?" he sat himself down on the bed, lighting a cigarette in the process. 

"Would you mind putting out that thing?" she glared at him. 

"You're in no position to order me around. Now, answer my question. Why aren't you with your sweet bunch back in Sunnyhell?" 

"I-I ran." 

A simple statement, but Spike new what she meant. She lost her love just the way he has and now she too, was alone. Even tough he stayed away from others of his kind, Spike heard what happened in Sunnydale. Angelus had gone to Hell. He shook himself and tried to concentrate on the matter at hand, blowing out the smoke from his mouth. 

"You ran right into my waiting arms, ducks." 

He stood up and walked over to her to sit down besides the Slayer's figure, who was staring at him wide-eyed. He bent over and vamped out. Opening his mouth, Spike sank his fangs into her throbbing artery and drank. The bottle-blond vampire could hardly keep a control over himself. The Slayer's blood had an effect on him like no one's before. He could feel the building excitement deep down in his body. Buffy frantically struggled against her bonds until the darkness claimed her, making her go limb. The vampire came as he felt her pulse slow and stopped drinking. Then he slid his wrist with a knife and held it over her mouth. The smell of blood filled Buffy's nostrils and she instinctually opened her mouth. The drops of blood trickled down her throat and she slumped into sleep. 

"Sleep Slayer. When you wake up, you'll no longer be one," Spike said and went out into the bathroom. "I need to change these pants. Bloody hell, I never came into my pants before." With a smile he closed the door. "Not like if it would be so bad." 

* * *

Images flowed in front of her eyes. She was sitting in front of her school and a man came to her. 

"Buffy Anne Summers?" 

"Yes," she stared up at him. 

Behind the man the sky was clear. A bright, sunny California day. It was perfect. Too perfect for reality. She wondered what he wanted from her. 

"Then we need to talk." 

"About what?" 

"Tell me. Have you been feeling kind of stronger for a few weeks now? Not get so tired easily, lift things that were more difficult, bruises disappear fast, or not even appear, things like that?" 

She thought about it for a second. Two weeks ago she was amazed when she could easily lift the TV when she wanted to put it in a different position. Just a few nights ago she went out dancing and noticed that she wasn't as tired even after two hours. Also when she slipped in the kitchen and hit her head in the tiles, the lump was gone in a few hours. 

"How do you know?" 

"Oh, I know a lot of things. Want me to tell you about them? I'm Merrick." 

"Sure," she shrugged. 

Suddenly, another image was before her. She walked into a library and saw a man with glasses reading a book. 

"Hi Buffy!" 

"Hi Giles!" 

She heard a sound behind her. Like twin doors swinging open. 

"Hi Buffy!" two voices said simultaneously. 

Turning, she noticed Willow and Xander. They had huge smiles on their faces and looked as if just remembered a funny memory they shared. 

"Hello guys!" 

The image was gone again and deep in her heart she could feel unspeakable longing. There wasn't time for it, though. Next, she was in an alley and a dark figure stood before her. Looking around she realized that the alley was the same one she had met Angel in two years ago. There was fog around the man in front of her, but she managed to make it out. 

"Angel," she gasped. 

"Buffy. Why did you send me to Hell?" his voice was full of pain, longing. Her heart felt crushed at the sight of him. 

"I had no other option. I had to stop Acathala. I had to stop Angelus." 

"Then come with me to Hell. With you I would suffer less." He held out a hand to her. 

"No. You're not Angel," she realized. "Angel would never want me to go to Hell, even if his life depended on it. He loves me too much. Who are you?" 

The figure of Angel was replaced by another. As she stepped out of the shadows, Buffy realized it was her, just with a vampire face. Wrinkles were spread across her features and she was terrified at the sight. 

"I'm your demon," said the vampire in front of her. "Your nightmare, your greatest fear. I will rule your body from now on and you can't do a thing about it." 

Buffy's eyes widened and she quickly groped around for a stake. Finding non on her body, she search on the ground as the figure launched at her. Buffy tried to backhand her, but she stepped aside. 

"Give up, Slayer. I'm stronger than you. I'll be the strongest vampire ever and the World will be mine." 

"How come you bad guys always go for the World? Can't you think of something small, like... Texas?" she tried to joke. 

"Very funny. Just do it while you can." 

The vampire delivered a roundhouse kick to her jaw. She flung back at the impact and fell to the ground. That was the strongest kick she had ever felt. 'Of course, a Slayer would make one of the strongest vampires.' Buffy stayed down as the vampire closed the distance between them. As she reached down to punch her, the Slayer kicked the figure in the gut and caused her to double over in pain. Buffy stood up and tried to kick her in the head, but she grabbed her leg and turned it with a snap. The Slayer could feel it brake and screamed in pain. Again, she fell to the ground as the demon glared down at her. 

"I'm taking over now, Slayer." she gave out a laugh that made Buffy's blood run cold. This was it. Buffy, the vampire Slayer lasted till she was 17. 

Suddenly, she felt something in her hand. In front of her the whole gang appeared. 

"We know you can do it, Buffy," Giles smiled at her. 

In her right hand she found a stake. Quickly pushing herself up with one arm and leg, she thrust the stake into the demon's heart. It gave out a cry and crumbled to dust as Buffy sighed with relief. 

* * *

Her eyes snapped open as the dream ended. Looking around she found Spike sitting in a chair, asleep. She was still tied down, so she decided to take a look at her surroundings. She noticed the pink, gold and cream coloring of the room, the expensive furniture, the softness of the bed. 

'A hotel room,' she realized. 

Almost as if she had said it out loud, Spike woke with a snort. Opening his eyes he found Buffy awake and stood up. Buffy noticed with horror that he was only wearing a bathrobe and boxers instead of his black clothes that she saw on him earlier. 

"So you're awake. How do you feel, luv?" he placed his hands on his hips. 

'Why isn't she game faced?' he wondered. 

'He looks kind of sexy. Bad Buffy. This is Spike. He tied you down.' 

"What do you want with me, Spike?" 

"Slayer?" there was disbelief in his voice. 

"Yeah, you said that like if you expected someone else." 

"Well pet, as a matter of fact, I did." He took his previous place on the bed next to her. 

The robe opened up a bit to reveal his strong torso. Buffy couldn't help but not to stare at the alabaster color of his skin and the pink flat nipple that was revealed to her. She forced herself to look away, only to find a pair of blue eyes staring down at her. 

"I don't understand what you mean." 'Down, hormones, down.' 

Spike smiled when he saw her eyes exploring. There may be something wrong in her head, but the vampire lust was sure as hell in her. 

"I sired you. I guess slayers don't loose their souls," he told her with a frown, trying to keep a cool head. 

"You what?!" now it was her turn to stare in disbelief. "You, you turned me into a vamp?!" 

"Exactly pet! Listen. Can you feel your heartbeat? Do you need to take a breath? No!" 

Inside her she was frantically searching for any sign of life in her body. She found non. Then, she remembered that before she fell unconscious, Spike was draining her. A tear left her eye to roll down her cheeks. She didn't want to cry in front of him, but the knowledge that her dream was true was too much. 

"Now, now luv. Don't cry. You must be hungry. I got some blood bags just for you. It's daylight outside, you know." 

"I'm not hungry." She turned her head away. 

She thought back to a day before. Maybe fate woke her up to see a last sunrise. She would never again feel the rays on her skin, their warmth wouldn't pleasure her in the way only the sun can. The tears started to flow freely now as Spike grabbed her cheek and turned her head to look at him. 

"I know you are," he let her go and with his index finger the vampire wiped her tears away. 

Getting up, Spike trotted to the small fridge and took out a bag. He grabbed a few after turning her, just in case. 

'Great, just my luck. Now what am I going to do with her?' he shrugged. 'What I was planning before.' 

With a smile he returned to her and held the bag to her mouth. She jerked her head away. 

"You have to feed." 

"No!" 

Spike vamped out and sank his fangs into the bag, just enough to puncture a hole into it. Then he put the bag to her mouth. The smell of blood trickled her senses, causing her face to morph. She drank quickly and Spike took the bag away from her when she drained it all. When she finished, her features returned to normal. 

A small drop of blood that escaped her mouth flowed down on the side of her mouth. Spike leaned forward and licked it off her skin. As his mouth came so close to hers, his lips started to ache to feel her newly cold ones. He put his hand at each side of her head to support him. Next, he leaned down, kissing her lips, staying there, his tongue seeking entrance. 

Buffy felt ashamed when she drained the bag. What followed took her by surprise. She expected him to be violent with her. Mad, because she didn't loose her soul. Maybe even kill her. However, the tenderness of his actions where smoothing, sending shivers down her body. Buffy found herself responding and opened her mouth. 

Spike smiled as he felt her open up. His tongue first moved slowly, teasing hers. As the passion inside him grew, the kiss became more demanding, their tongues began dueling wildly. He reluctantly broke the kiss and opened his eyes to glare into hers. He could read fear, timidity, sadness in them. This made him stand up and rush out. 

Buffy just stared after him. She couldn't explain what she was feeling. All her emotions were in turmoil. She thought of Angel. His lips were as cold as his too. Then she realized, her lips were cold too. She wanted to be mad at Spike for doing this to her, but somehow she just couldn't. The feeling of his lips was still on hers and she was turned on, despite the situation. Sadness overwhelmed her and she started to cry. 

'What was I thinking?' Spike thought. 'I'm just as mad as Dru. I should have never turned her. Now she's there, crying and I don't know what to do. If I only knew why my heart is aching.' 

The bottle-blond vampire reached to the pack of cigarettes waiting on the table. He took out one and lit it with the lighter next to it. He took a long, deep drag, all the way into his dead lungs, trying to calm himself with the rituality of this act. However, this time it didn't work that well. 

He remembered the Slayer he had known. She looked so sexy, so alive when he first saw her. He knew that minute, she was no ordinary Slayer. The ones he had met before knew nothing else, but the fight night after night. However, she was dancing and he could feel himself wanting her. He hated to admit it, but he loved their fights. She was a great opponent. Sarcastic, fast and strong. So much like him. That was why he couldn't understand how she could fall for his sire. Angel seemed just as dead as he was and life was missing from him. 

He ran a hand trough his peroxide blond hair and returned to the room. He sat down on his usual place on the bed as he saw Buffy fighting with her tears. He gently wiped the wetness from her features. Then he reached for the rope and untied her. Buffy stared at him with questions in her eyes. 

"Buffy. Don't try to escape. For one, it's daylight outside, two, you're my childe and you do whatever I tell you. You can have a shower if you want. There's still some more blood in the fridge in the living room." He let out an audible sigh. "Good night, pet," his voice was soft. 

She stared after him as he made his way to the other bedroom. She rubbed her wrist, then got up. She really did need a shower. 

While the hot water was running down her cold skin, her thoughts wandered back to him. She was sure he would rape her. Instead, he went away. The way he talk to her... Soft, gentle, almost apologetic and sad. Yes. Sadness was evident in his eyes. Why, she didn't know. 

She wondered what to do next. There weren't many options. Actually, there were only two. She could either stay here and do whatever he wanted. She knew that vampires weren't tolerant against those who attacked their sires. Especially if they were new. On top of that, many of them were angry at her. After all, she used to be a Slayer. Used to be. Yes. She was no longer one. Now a new Slayer would be called. She wondered how the watchers new who would be the new Slayer. Probably from some prophecy. Would Giles know? If he heard about a new Slayer, he would know that she died. However, Kendra did too. She wondered if two Slayers would be activated now. 

Was there another option for her? Yes. One other. She could go down on the street right now and give the people there a nice show. They would see someone turn to ashes right in front of them. Did she really want to do this? Suicide? That was kind of cowardly. It's much harder to live then to just die. She never considered herself a coward. Then again, she had run away from her friends. That was kind of cowardly. However, she did fight all kinds of monsters on a daily basis. It took some courage to do that. Which did it take more? To face emotions, or to do what she was meant to? This trail of thought was getting her nowhere. 

Buffy turned off the shower and moved out. When she passed by the mirror, something inside her expected her face to appear in it. She was startled when nothing was there. Memories of Angel sitting by her, but in the long mirror being alone flashed before her. She stopped in front of it and placed a cold hand against its cool surface. She closed her eyes to will a tear back. This was always her biggest fear. Now, she was a vampire. The nightmare had come true. She ran back to the bedroom naked and threw herself on the bed. After closing her eyes, in no time she was asleep. 

* * *

In the other room Spike was thinking about his plan. He couldn't sleep. The Slayer, no Buffy, having her soul could ruin his plans. Then again, if he ordered her to never reveal it to anyone, it could go unnoticed. Yes. That was the thing to do. 

The next thing to do was to let everyone know he had done what no one else before. Sired a Slayer. All the masters would bow before him now and he could be the L.A. master. He smiled at the thought. One of the most powerful vampires. However, how could he spread the word around? He needed to have a party. Something small for one. Of course, there was a need for some minions. He would go out tonight to get some. 

* * *

Giles sat in his office. He was flipping through some book of prophecies when he heard a knock on the door. No one knew he was here, he wondered, but he was usually here. Even though it was summer. He got up and put down the book. Opening the door he came face-to-face with an old friend of his. He was dressed in a simple suit, his gray hair cut short. 

"Steve," he looked at him, startled. 

"Hello Giles," he spoke with a soft English accent. 

"W-What is one of the heads of the Watchers d-doing, hmm, here?" 

"I bring bad news. Your Slayer..." he looked down at his shoes. 

"What's with Buffy?" he glared at the man before him. 

"You'd better sit down." 

Giles did as told and Steven took the chair before the desk. 

"When we heard she was in L.A., we searched for her." 

"Why didn't I-I know about this?" 

"We expected her to return sooner or later. She was slaying in L.A. too. Then one night we saw Spike take her down with a garbage-can top from behind." 

"S-Spike?" 

"Yes. Then we found this prophecy," Steve handed Giles a paper. 

_There were two fighters, now there is none. Both of them taken by one of a pair, long together. A new fighter will emerge from the shadows in the place where both had been. One died there, the other fought there. The new saver won't be new there. She will be known from a brown mark by her eye. Do not search for her, she'll come to you._

"B-Buffy's dead," the man in tweed said, tears forming in his eyes. He got up and turned around, finding the wall very fascinating. 

"Yes. You'll need to train this new girl. We are positive that she'll be here. We only have to wait for her. Can you take her?" 

"O-Of c-course." Giles answered, not turning around. 

"I'm sorry. This is not easy. I know," he remembered his Slayer. 

"Thank you." 

Steven just silently left as the sobs overtook Giles' body. 

After he finished crying, he thought of the others. He knew he could tell the whole thing just once, so he made a round of calls to everyone. Luckily, he could reach the whole Scooby Gang and even Joyce. 

Next, he went to a bathroom and cleaned his eyes. Taking off his glasses he pinched the bridge of his nose, willing himself to calm down. Though the black hole in his heart was already forming. 

He sat down on one of the chairs in the main room, glasses in hand. He didn't move when they started to arrive, just stared blankly in front of him. When they saw him sitting there, they all knew that something bad was up and remained silent. 

Only when they were all there, did he really look at them. 

"An old friend of mine came to me today. He told me that Buffy, ... Buffy was in L.A.," he began quietly, his voice hollow. 

If it hadn't been to Giles' posture and tone, they all would have stood up and made happy remarks. However, they knew that there was something else he wanted to say and waited patiently for him to finish. They made nervous glances at each other and the two couples instinctually held hands. 

"He also told me that, that S-Spike attacked her. She had no chance. He sneaked up on her. He struck her down w-with a garbage-can top. Then they found this prophecy." Unable to go on, he handed the paper to Willow. 

"There were two fighters, now there is none. Both of them taken by one of a pair, long together. A new fighter will emerge from the shadows in the place where both had been. One died there, the other fought there. The new saver won't be new there. She will be known from a brown mark by her eye. Do not search for her, she'll come to you," she read out loud. 

All stared at her as she dropped the paper out of her hand and quietly sat in Oz's lap. She held onto him, sobbing into his shirt. 

"What does this mean?!" Joyce demanded. 

"B-Buffy's dead," Giles said silently. 

"NO!" the mother broke out. "She can't be! Tell me that this whole thing is a mistake!" running to Giles she took his tweed jacket into her hands and yanked at them. 

"Spike took her," the Watcher said into her face. 

"I-I'll kill that bastard! I should have done it in the school on Parent-Teacher night!" tears were forming in her eyes and she too, just like everyone in the room, started to cry. 

Giles silently pulled her into his lap, rocking back and forth. He was brushing her hair with his fingers. Every bit of him wanted to kiss her again, but he wouldn't dare. 

* * *

As Joyce arrived home, she headed strait into her daughter's room. She sat down on her bed and looked at her hands. 

She had turned down Giles' offer to be with her. She wanted to stay alone. Silent tears streaked down her face. She did not move. She was also afraid that something would happen if he came. She couldn't help noticing that her feelings for the man who loved her daughter like a father, were getting stronger each time they met. 

"It's all my fault. I shouldn't have told her all those horrible things. She did what she had to. Her job was to save the World from evil things and I wasn't making it easier for her. She did it even though Giles told me she knew that slayers died young. Slayers die young." Closing her eyes, she fell back on the bed. However, she did not sleep. 

* * *

Tracy headed towards the middle of the cemetery. It was a nice, bright, sunny day with birds twittering and everything perfect. Her fare hair glistened in the light, her white skin seemed strange in California. She was not happy though. With a bouquet of white flowers she headed strait towards her destination. The almond, blue eyes fixed strait forward behind the sunglasses. 

Reaching a headstone, she crunched down and placed the flowers in front of it. She traced the white letters with her fingers. 

"Helen Blake Shields. 1955-1996" 

'I love you Mom,' Tracy thought. 'It's such a beautiful day. I would like to play with you and Dad in the garden, just like every year. We would take out the water guns and get all wet in the battle,' she smiled a little. 

Standing up she walked back, when Tracy heard voices. Something drew her towards the sounds and she stopped when she came across a funeral. No. Not exactly. It was rather a group of people saying goodbye to someone. She watched them from behind a tree, not being able to brake away, as if held by some force. 

A woman around forty stepped in front of the gravestone and began to talk. 

"Buffy. You were my daughter and I turned against you. Can you ever forgive me for abandoning you when you needed me the most?" she stepped back, unable to go on as another shock of tears came. 

Now a man in tweed came forth. Tracy recognized him. He was the librarian in school. Mr... ah...Giles! 

"Y-You saved my life from Angelus and some more times. You were the best S-Slayer ever. It was an honor to be your Watcher and your friend... hmm... I'll miss you trotting into the library every day, ready to save us again and again. I never told you, but you were like the daughter to me that I never had." 

"Slayer, Watcher? What's all this?" Tracy trailed off. 

Next, a redhead girl spoke. 

"Buffy. You were my best friend. I never head a friend like you before. You showed me faces of life that I never knew existed. You accepted me the way I was. That was something that not many did. Without you, I would still be very much alone. Thanks to you, I found love. I thought that I could never find anyone, but with you helping me, I found my happiness." 

"Then you were lucky. Never anyone accepted me," Tracy thought. 

A guy followed her. 

"Well, Buff... I don't really know what to say. It's new to me to be without words. I guess, I just want you to know that I was always in love with you and you will forever hold a special place in my heart. Where I got that from, I don't know. I just want to say that without you, this cemetery would be a lot more crowded and that we all owe you for it." 

Tracy knew the next girl. Who didn't. Cordelia Chase. 

"Buffy, I really liked you from the first day. Even though you weren't so good on the dress department, but you saved me from having my face cut up and some other things too. You were a real friend. I learned what a real friend was like when the others turned their backs on me. Being popular isn't so good after all. There are some things more important than that, now I know. Thank you for showing it to me." 

Last, another boy stepped forward. 

"I haven't known you long. Though I've heard ever so much about you from Willow. I will forever be grateful for accepting me and not claiming me a monster when you found out what I was. You protected me from the hunter and from myself. I'm sorry I couldn't get to know you better. I promise to you that I will take good care of Willow." 

After this they all left in pairs. Tracy just stared after them as she came out of the shadows. 

Giles stood there for a moment more and then turned. Walking back to his car he almost ran headlong into the girl standing with her back to him. 

"Oh. S-Sorry," he staggered as she turned. 

"It's OK," she said with a hoarse voice. While watching the group saying goodbye to a friend, she started to cry. 

Giles looked into her eyes as she took off her sunglasses. They were full of tears and she wiped them away. He noticed a brown spot under her right eye. 

"Why are you crying?" Giles asked without hesitation. 

"I'm sorry. I listened in on your ceremony. Buffy was lucky to have such friends. Believe me, I know." She turned and started to go. 

"Hmm. Wait. Hmm. What's your name?" 

"Tracy Shields," she turned back. 

"Have you always lived in Sunnydale?" 

"Yes. Why?" she looked at him with curious eyes. 

"I-I think you should read this," he gave her the slip of paper that he always carried with him. 

After reading it she handed it back to him. "Well, I don't know about the part with the two fighters, but if the "there" part is Sunnydale and the "you" part is, well, you, then this sure sounds like me. So, what's this all about?" 

"T-This isn't exactly the place to talk about it. You also need to do some tests. C-Could you come to the library tomorrow at 3 in the afternoon? I'll call the others too." 

"Sure. OK. I'll be there. It's not like my holiday schedule would be crowded," Tracy said, raising an eyebrow at the strange man. 

* * *

The big hall in the expensive hotel glistened in the light of the lamps. There were many people, though not above fifty in the room. Not one of them looked out of place. Their expressions matched their rich clothes as they went from one guest to the other. 

Buffy sat next to Spike. She had been sitting there for two hours by then. Sometimes she took a glass of champagne or blood from a waiter and sipped it slowly. She felt awkward. This was the first vampire party she had attended to and it didn't seem any different from other parties of the rich she had seen on TV. 

Spike did all this. He wanted to show everyone his new "pet" and wasted no time bragging about how he caught her. Of course, non of his stories talked about attacking her from the behind. In all he was the fearless vampire master who had spared at least the body of his third slayer. No one knew she still had a soul. 

He was still sitting there, next to her on a throne. It was slightly elevated and everyone had to look up at him. Masters from as far as Europe came to this occasion to bow before the great Spike. Some of them offered great fortunes for her, but Spike only said one sentence to all of them. 

"My queen is not for sale." 

There it went again. His queen. Yes, she was his queen in the eyes of everyone. However, nothing in their private life fitted into that concept. 

With all the drinking she did she found it good that vampires got hardly drunk and that they didn't have to go to the toilet. 'I'd have to go every other minute,' she amused herself. Buffy was so bored she could have gone to sleep. 

After a few more hours it was finally over. The guests started to say goodbye, stating how much they had enjoyed themselves and congratulating again for the great vampire master. 

When the hall was empty, the waiters, who were Spike's minions, put their trays down on the tables and waited for their master. He gently got up, grace in every movement and took a step to Buffy. 

"Well, my queen, shall we go up?" he held out an arm to her and she put her small hand on it. 

A thought of ripping his arm out crossed her mind, but she went along with the masquerade. She still remembered Spike's words. 

"You are my childe and you do whatever I tell you. If anyone suspects that you still have your soul, then you'll beg for me to kill you. Never forget pet from where I got my name." 

Still, apart from this he had always been gentle with her. Almost caring and not just in front of everybody. 

She stood up and they started for the elevator. Two vampire guards went in front of them and two followed. While they waited several people took notice of her in the lobby. After all, she was a beautiful sight. Her hair was swept up and she wore a simple long evening dress that brought out the shape of her body. 

Once upstairs, the minions settled in the small place in front of the suit and also in one of the bedrooms. The pair went strait into the other. Inside, Buffy silently helped Spike undress as she did always, then undressed herself while he was in the shower. Then it was her turn after he came out in fresh boxers and a bathrobe. 

It felt good to stand under the hot spray. She turned it up real high and it warmed her cold skin up a little. As much as it did the washcloth she used. Buffy almost went to sleep under the water, she was so exhausted. Next, she stepped out and put on some clean panties and a robe of her own. 

Quietly she opened the door to find Spike already asleep. The ex-slayer moved to the other side and curled up in a ball. Briefly, she wondered why Spike had never touched her, save for that one kiss the first night, even though they had been sleeping together for a month now. Then the darkness claimed her and she drifted off into sleep. 

She dreamed about Angel and her friends. 

* * *

"Hi everyone!" Tracy called out the to group in front of her as she stepped into the library. 

"Hello Tracy," only Giles returned her greeting. 

She took in the faces staring at her. She had seen them all on the ceremony and now would have liked to disappear into thin air from their glances. She could read distrust, pain, sadness and curiosity in them. 

Tracy stepped to the librarian. 

"What did you want to tell me Mr. Giles?" 

"First I would like to introduce you to everyone. As I said before, this is Tracy Shields. Tracy, this is Willow Rosenberg, Xander Harris, Oz Green, Cordelia Chase," he pointed at each of them. 

They all raised their hands in greeting. 

"Nice to meet you all." Tracy smiled. 

"Now I would like you to do the tests I have talked about." 

"OK. What do you want me to do?" 

Giles took out a stake from his hand and gave it to the girl. 

"I would like you to...hmm... brake this into two." 

"I don't know. I'm not exactly strong. Actually, I'm a failure in P.E. A real looser on that department. Apart from not being strong I have a fear of hights and two craps of knees due to injuries. Sorry, I sometimes ramble on. However, if you want me to try, I can always do that," with these word she took the piece of wood into both hands and started to bend it until it broke into two with a scratch. "That was easy. Strange. What kind of a wood is this?" 

"Strong. Now I would like you to carry... a-a couple of books from here to the ... hmm... counter." 

He handed her a couple of large volumes. "Tell me when you feel them too heavy." He kept on giving them to her until he couldn't even see her head. 

"If there was some more space I'd say give me some more, but since not, I'll just take these." 

They all watched in amazement as she easily took the large pile of books to the counter and deposited them there. 

"Are there any more tests?" she spun around. 

"N-No. We can say that you are the next Slayer." 

"What makes you so sure?" Willow asked. 

"She obviously doesn't have enough muscles to perform these tasks. However, a-a Slayer doesn't need mush muscle power. That comes from within her." 

"Like a superhero?" Xander joined in. 

"Y-Yes." 

"OK. Now tell me. What's a Slayer?" Tracy seemed confused. 

"Sit down." Giles waited till she did as asked. "A Slayer is a girl who fights vampires, demons and other evil. Please, don't interrupt me. To do this she is stronger, faster, heals more rapidly than a normal human, almost like a vampire. There is usually only one Slayer at a time, though there used to be two now. However, the prophecy, what you've read, stated that there would again be just one. It is your job to save the World. I am your watcher and I'll help you, train you. Now. Any questions?" the other stared at him, he didn't stammer even once. He said the whole thing with one breath and was now looking at the mesmerized girl in front of him. 

"Vampires, demons. I can't believe this! I'm supposed to fight them? How? I told you before. My body wasn't designed for physical activity. All my life I had been the fat little girl and that didn't change much. OK, I'm not so fat anymore, but I'm the kind who'd rather not eat for days, than move a finger. And now you're saying that I'm supposed to run around and fight with vampires and demons. From what I know, they're kind of difficult to beat. How am I supposed to do it?! How long do you think I can go on with it? And that girl, Buffy. She was a Slayer too, right? How old was she when she died? Judging by her friends she was about 17! You said she was the greatest Slayer ever and she only lasted till 17. Well, I just turned 17 and I would like to live to be 70. I'm not doing it! Besides, I can't believe this. Vampires exist?" 

"W-Well, they do," Giles told her. 

"You have to do it. There's no one else." Willow turned to her. "I looked through your records in school. Your mother died a few years ago." 

"Yes, what of it?" Tracy glared at the redhead. 

"How did it happen?" 

"She was going through the park at night and someone killed her. She lost a whole amount of blood from two puncture wounds," she looked down at her shoes. 

"It was a vampire. You are the Slayer and your job is to protect women like your mother was. In 1996 Buffy wasn't here and she couldn't have saved your mom, but she saved a whole lot of others." 

"Vampires killed my mother?" her mouth dropped open. "But, why are the vampires here?" 

"I-it's the Hellmouth. A-Actually, there are vampires, hmm, everywhere, but this is a center of vampire, demonic and other kinds of activity like this. The Hellmouth is closed but the energy coming from it d-draws creatures like them." 

"So you're telling me there's a Hell too. Great. At least now I know there's a God too," she looked at them with a sigh. "I don't have a choice, right?" 

"A-Actually, no. A Slayer draws danger. Sooner or later you'll come face-to-face with y-your destiny." 

"Then I guess I'd better be ready for it?" Tracy smiled at him. "When do we begin?" 

* * *

Buffy woke up and glanced around the bedroom. The lights were turned on, but there was no one in sight. She didn't wonder why. She knew that Spike and some others went out to haunt and left her in the room with some guards in front of the door. 

With a sigh she set up and putting on a robe, made her way to the fridge. There a couple of blood-bags waited for her and she took one. After drinking it, she threw it into the garbage can and set down on the sofa. 

"This is so bloody boring," she said to herself, not noticing that she used one of Spike's words. 

Every day was the same. Getting up, feeding, sitting around, maybe watching TV. 

Her thoughts went back to Spike. He never even talked to her anymore. She wondered why not. It was strange how he treated her. Like a doll that was only for display. Maybe he was mad like Drusilla. However, she knew very well that not even that could have been an explanation. She didn't kid herself. Buffy knew that the normal would have been him raping her. He could have had sex with her every time he wanted. She knew he wanted her, because it happened more than once that while she was taking off his clothes he just tore away from her before she got to the boxers. It wasn't like she wanted to be raped. She was glad he didn't touch her, but feared that her luck would run out. 

Though in the past month he had been more than kind to her. He let her do whatever she wanted. Except for going out. She only went out when they went shopping for her, or for parties. A few weeks had passed since the first one that Spike arranged and the invitations just kept coming. There were few quiet nights like this. Not like she had fun at the parties. She was just a doll there too. 

Wanting to stop thinking, she turned on the TV and stared at the screen. She stayed there till Spike arrived with the other vampires and hurried to undress him. 

He wore his usual red shirt with a long coat over it and black jeans. She started with the coat and then the shoes. She unbuttoned the shirt and he shrugged it off. Next were the jeans and they dropped on the floor. Then he suddenly stood up and raced to the shower. Buffy just gathered the clothes and put them in their place. 

Spike stood under the cold water. It took all his experience and willpower to not grab the ex-slayer and take that robe off of her. He wanted to make love to her more than anything. That was his biggest problem. He wanted to make love to her, not have sex. He knew he'd hurt her, if he'd ever do that. If she had lost her soul, it would have been all different. Though somewhere he was glad that the witty girl didn't disappear. He was a fool ever to turn her. But he had been so lonely. Just a shell. He had always dreamed of Buffy. When he was forced into the wheelchair, then had to watch as Angelus was all over Dru, he wished he could go to her and loose himself in her arms. 

That he could never do. She hated him. Spike leaned to the wall and banged his head to the tiles. He so much wanted her to love him like he did. Yes, the love inside him had been building since he had seen her for the first time in the Bronze. Only despair could bring him to take her by force into his life. 

He wanted to go out and apologize on his knees. Beg for forgiveness and hope for love. 

Turning off the water, Spike dried himself, then went out in a pair of boxers and a robe. She was already laying on her side, apparently asleep. He slid under the covers after turning off the lights. He paused before putting his head on the pillow. He moved to her and looked down at her sleeping form. She looked so beautiful. She was driving him mad. He wanted to wake her up and show her how much he wanted and loved her. Instead, the vampire master just lightly touched her cheek and turned back to sleep. 

When Buffy heard him move towards her, she tensed. 'Maybe tonight came the time when he had had enough and took me.' She was more than surprised when she felt his gentleness and heard him go to sleep. She relaxed and calmly went asleep. A wave of disappointment washed over her, but she shrugged it off. 'I hate him.' 

She dreamed of Spike kissing her. 

In the next evening, Spike found her sleeping with a grin on her face. He assumed she dreamed with Angel. 

* * *

Tracy dropped her bag on the living room floor. 

"How was training?" she heard her dad from the kitchen. 

"Hard as always." 

"You know you have to work hard if you..." he came into the room. 

"If I don't want to die soon. I know. I'm doing it for mom and other people who could loose their loved ones." 

"I know." he patted her shoulder with a small smile. "I just wish you could have a little happiness beside your duty." 

"Dad, avenging mom makes me happy. I don't need any other happiness." 

"I want you to know love too, not just hateret." 

"I love you dad." 

"And I love you. But you know what I mean." 

"Dad. I'm training all day, then fighting vampires and that other stuff. Then I come home, sleep, and start it all over again. There's no empty spot for dating there." 

"You should make some." 

"Dad, grow up." She turned to him, since he was still standing behind her. "I'm 17. I've never had a date before. Not even when I had the time. Now I just don't have it and it's for the better. No one asked me out before and no one ever will. Besides, how could I explain to any guy that I'm the Vampire Slayer? I'm not going to live long anyhow. Only one less person to grieve." 

"You've been talking a lot about dying in the last month since you became the Slayer." 

"I've been facing it every night. To tell you the truth, I'd welcome it. My life,... I don't know. It just feels empty. The only thing I worry about is what will happen to you after I die." 

"If you die," he corrected her. 

"No dad, when." She stared in front of her. 'Probably not in the far future either,' she silently added. 

* * *

Buffy found herself in the darkness. Opening her eyes, she saw the bedroom and Spike as he was kissing her. She was tied down and looked down her body, she realized it was the day when she first woke up as a vampire. Spike broke the kiss and looked down at her. 

He stood up, ready to go, when Buffy called out to him. 

"No. Don't go," her voice was hardly above whisper, but almost whining. 

Spike stopped and turned around. She gave him a small smile and he returned to her side. 

"Are you sure, you don't want me to go luv?" 

"Yes." Buffy jerked her head. 

He leaned down for another kiss that she returned hungrily. Their tongues danced around, teasing each other. He broke away again and stood up. 

"Spi-i-ike!" she squeaked. 

"Don't worry pet," he winked and gave her a cocky grin. 

Reaching over her, he untied the rope, then scooped her up into his arms. She could only cling onto him. He went to the bathroom, once inside, she saw the tub was filled. He laid her into the water with her clothes on. The water was warm and full of bubbles that surrounded her and smoothed her senses. However, the scene unfolding before her was just the opposite. It aroused her as she saw Spike slowly untying his robe and it pooled around his feet. Next, his boxers joined it and he went into the water to her. 

Buffy first started to pull down her top. 

"No," he ordered. 

"No?" she looked at him questioningly. 

"I'll do it ducks," with these words he reached over and pulled the garment over her head. 

She wasn't wearing any bra and he attacked one of her nipples with his mouth. He rolled his tongue around it and sucked it in. She moaned as he gently bit down on it with his blunt teeth. 

Spike realized that her clothes were soaking and relieved her by taking off first her shoes, then the rest of them, only leaving her small tong. All of the garments were thrown into a pile on the floor. 

For a moment their eyes met, blue gazing into hazel. The desire was evident in both of them and Buffy felt for a minute that only his eyes existed in the whole world. Then she saw him reach down and felt her panty being tucked to the side. His fingers swirled around her opening. She was amazed as his head dipped under the water, between her legs. That was when she remembered what a good thing it was that they didn't have to breath. 

Slowly, he licked her hairy folds, biting them a little. She moaned and arched her hips into his face. She began banging herself to him and the water splashed out of tub. Next he turned to her throbbing clit, licking them hungrily. A wave of pleasure shocked Buffy's body and she gave out a small cry at his touch. He went further down to her entrance. He swirled around it, then stopped and raised his head out of the water to look at her pleasure filled face. 

"S-S-Spi-i-i-ike! Don't stop!" she screamed. 

He just gave her another of his grins, then dipping his head and went back to his task. Without any hesitation, he entered her womanhood with his tongue. Buffy began trashing and more water left the tub. She could feel the pressure building inside her, and he knew she was close. Then he bit down quickly on her clitoris and rose up to see her come. She did with screaming his name. He waited as she calmed down, the shocks overtaking her body ceasing. 

As she was looking at his grinning face and he bent down, claiming her mouth. Under her gaze the surroundings started to change. They were still in water, but it was no longer the tub, but the beach. Behind Spike she could see the sun setting as its last rays lit up the clouds, almost like if they were on fire. She could feel the wet sand under her and the waves slowly rocked their bodies. 

He got up, still naked, but obviously aroused. She watched for a minute his alabaster skin, his lean muscles. He held out a hand down to her and taking it, he pulled her up. They both ran strait into the water, ignoring the growing waves around them, as the sea protested against their entrance. Soon they were covered to neck with water and Spiked pulled her further in. 

"But..." she began. 

"C'mon luv, it's not like we're going to drown." 

She smiled at him and joined Spike under the water as he dipped down. There they held onto each other as close as they could. Buffy wrapped her legs around him and he entered her tight passage. She groaned, but instead of sound, only bubbles left her throat. Other bubbles surrounded them, almost as if the water was boiling. 

The ex-slayer wondered how strange this whole thing was, but she wouldn't have stopped for the world. Being with Spike seemed so right to her. Once he was her mortal enemy, then the truce, sire, lover. 

Spike began with slow thrusts, then sped up as the tension grew. After a short while, he was pounding into her. Finally, she arched back in the water and came, a cloud of bubbles leaving her throat. Then he joined her in heaven as his release came. Both of them morphing into vampires, pulled the other's neck close and bit down on it. The blood filled her mouth and she hungrily sucked. 

In the depth of the sea, she spotted a figure coming closer to them. When it came close enough for her to see his face, she realized it was Angel. He was looking at her with eyes filled with such deep sadness that it wrecked her heart. 

"Angel!" she screamed as she woke up. 

Looking around she found herself in the hotel bedroom. A small amount of light poured in through the tightly closed shades. She gazed down at Spike's sleeping form and laid back down on her pillow. In no time she was back, sleeping soundly. 

Spike opened up his eyes a little, wondering why his childe screamed his sire's name. 

'She was probably dreaming with the bloody wanker again,' he thought. 

* * *

"Now strike with your leg. Good." Giles instructed Tracy. 

"Could we stop now? First the workout, now the combat training. I'm beat." Tracy stopped. 

"Very well. ... It was enough for one day," Giles said, taking off his protection gear. "B-Buffy always used to do the workout for music. O-Or at least that was what she c-called it. T-The library would be... loud, ... filled with it." 

"Thanks Giles. I'll try that," she frowned. 

There it went again. Buffy did this. 

"Hi B..., hmm... Tracy!" Willow chimed as she entered. "You coming to the Bronze?" 

"No. I'm going home. I have some letters to write, clubs to catch up on on the 'Net." 

"You know, you can have fun in the Bronze. Come with us. Oz and I would really love to have you. Just because you're the Slayer, you can still do the teen thingy." 

"The teen thingy." Tracy looked at her in disbelief. 

"Really. Buffy always used to go too." 

"I'm sorry. I'm tired just now. I'm not up for Bronzing. You'll have fun without me." She gave her a reassuring smile. 

"Tracy, you don't have to be alone. We are all here with you. You need help..." 

"Being the Slayer and all," she cut in. "It's OK. Really. Maybe some other time," with those words she left the library with her bag. 

'They didn't notice that I never went to the Bronze even _before_ I became the Slayer. Buffy. Why did you have to die?' she thought. 

* * *

Buffy was sitting in the room again. Another quiet night. 

Her thoughts were mixed up in her head. For a month now, every time she was taking Spike's clothes off, pictures appeared in her mind of kissing him, running her tongue down on his chest, teasing the flat male nipples... No! She had to stop. Ever since that first dream, they kept on coming. Angel still came in the end, but his image became more and more faded. 'I have to cling onto him. If I ever loose him, I'll loose my soul.' She was sure that these dreams were the making of her own demon. If she ever surrendered to them, the vampire in her would win. She couldn't want Spike. He was, ... the one who did this to her. 

Angel. She clung on to his memory to force the thoughts of Spike out of her mind. She kept reminding herself that she loved Angel. The memories, the pain cooled her down. 

However, she had to admit to herself that she waited for Spike to come home. Buffy explained it as waiting for something to happen in her lonely and boring life. 

* * *

School came again and Sunnydale High School filled up with students. Excitement filled the air on the first day. Friends, who hadn't seen each other in the summer, met again, teachers hoped that they would find that special student. The pulse of a new beginning could be felt everywhere. 

The teachers didn't take much notice of Buffy's disappearance. Other students died every day. 

"I can't believe we're Seniors." Willow told Xander, Cordy and Tracy. "I only miss Oz. Good thing he went to college here." 

"I only wish Buffy was here. I just can't imagine school without her," Xander said with a sad voice. 

"She wouldn't have to sneak out anymore from the school grounds when a World threatening thingy was up," Cordelia added. 

Tracy was just silently walking besides them. They never noticed when she parted and headed for her locker. She looked back at the group. She would have liked to belong to them, but something inside her was keeping her from it. She realized what it was. All her life she had been a loner. Teamwork was never her strongest point. Maybe two by two, if she had a partner... However, it was impossible. She was the Chosen One. And one of her kind she was. 

The day past by uneventfully. At lunch Tracy was looking around for a place to eat with her tray, when she saw Willow calling her to sit with her. 

"Hi Willow." 

"Hi Tracy. I haven"t seen much of you today." 

"I was around." 

"You lurk like Angel." 

"Angel? Oh, yeah. The vampire with the soul." 

"Yeah. Oh, I was going to tell you. If you need any help with the subjects, I can gladly do it. With History, or something else." 

"History has always been one of my favorites." 

"Really? Buffy always used to have so much trouble with it. We were just learning the Civil War when we found out that Angel was a vampire. From History studying came the misunderstanding that almost led to Buffy killing Angel." 

"I know." 

"How?" Willow was surprised. 

"Giles gave me his Watcher diary. He said it would help if I studied Buffy's past. He did say that this was a highly unusual procedure, but since this is the Hellmouth, I need all the help I can get." 

"Highly unusual procedure? When I talk like that, they say I sound like Giles." 

Tracy just smiled at her. She was with older people a lot and even on the 'Net her youngest friend was over twenty. The eldest was 45. Before she said her age, they always thought her at least 25 because of the un-teen expressions she used. 

"My favorite time in History is in fact the Civil War. I think that we can understand both sides if we take a step back and look at the situation from there." Tracy wanted to divert the conversation from Buffy. 

"Oh, you really think so? Even with the South clinging on to their slaves?" 

"It's understandable in a way. That was what they were brought up in. Though I really believe that the biggest part of the younger generation realized that the time of slavery had come to an end. In my opinion, the Civil War did more harm than good." 

"The slaves were freed." 

"Yes. Still, more died of hunger or diseases. The whole South was devastated. It was thrown back to the age of the first settlers and didn't recover for a long time. The harsh way of the North didn't help either." 

"What do you think would have been the alternative?" 

"If they didn't fight, they could have done the whole freedom thing more cleverly. The slaves could have worked for money. They would have been free and have jobs. There were a great number of unemployed people, because the old plantations were destroyed and there weren't enough new. Most families hardly had anything left." 

"Then why did they fight?" 

"I tried to look at the situation from Lincoln's point of view. He just didn't have any other chance. The people of the North had a pressure on him to fight. He just couldn't let go of half of the country. Then of course came Fort Sumter and the South itself decided his question." 

"And the South fought because they didn't think they would loose." 

"Exactly. Most of them were running so high with self-confidence, they just couldn't see the truth. Then they always thought England would help them. That was a mistake. England was a very selfish country. It never helped anyone but herself in those days. Those who were wise got rich on all the fighting. They were lucky." 

"Yes. Hmm. Are you training tonight?" Willow asked out of the blue. 

"Sure. Don't I always? Just because school is on, I still have to learn how to slay." 

"Oh! I have to run. I promised Giles to look up that demon on the Internet that you fought last night." Will looked at her watch. 

"OK, Will. You should sometimes show me the sights you like. Especially some of those Wicca sites. I heard you were studying to become a witch and I'm interested." 

"Sure. Bye Tracy!" she started off. 

Tracy sighed and went on with her eating. 

* * *

Training was hard that night. She was kind of tired because of school and was panting heavily after a little punching with Giles. 

"Take a few minutes rest." Giles went into his office. 

"Right." Tracy flopped down into the chair. 

"Hi." She heard the sound of a man coming from the upper level. Then a dark haired figure emerged from the shadows. 

Tracy knew immediately that he was a vampire. Her slayer sense was activated a little bit sooner than usual. She looked him up and down. First she noted the sad-looking dark eyes, the dark hair, his strong features. He did have the paleness of a vampire, but there was a little bit of natural browness in his skin. Travelling further down, she saw that he was not only tall, but strongly built under the usual black vampire ware. She would hate to kill this one. He looked really beautiful. Then she wondered why he hadn't attacked yet. 

The man was examining her too. She had a full body that was covered by baggy workout clothes. She had her fair hair tied up into a little pony-tail. She didn't have big eyes, rather narrow ones, but bright blue. Everything was small on her face. Small nose, mouth that had a very wavy shape. She was glaring at him and he knew it. She let _him_ make the first move. He knew she was ready for anything. Still, he could hear the easy rhythm of her heart. She was calm. 

"T-Tracy, maybe we ... hmm, ... trained enough for one day. You had school and..." Giles began, but trailed off when he saw the figure standing on top of the stairs. "Angel?" his eyes were huge, round. 

"Hello Giles," he looked down before his gaze with remorse. 

"You're Angel?" Tracy stepped forward a little. "But I thought that Whistler told Giles you were in Hell. You know. Acathala and all that." 

"I was. I don't know what happened, but suddenly I found myself in the mansion. You must be the new Slayer. You came instead of Kendra, right?" 

"Sort of. How long have you been back?" 

"Just a few days," Angel answered her question. 

"Welcome home," Tracy said with a smile. She knew Angel was good and she decided to help him return truly. 

"Thanks," Angel gave her one of his small smiles. 

"W-Why did you come here?" Giles spoke up. 

"I talked to Willy. He said that some vampires were speaking about great darkness coming soon from within. I came to warn you. Also, I thought it was time I let Buffy know I came back. I haven't seen her. Is she out slaying? I searched for her in the cemetery. Or maybe at home?" 

Giles looked down in front of him without a word. 

"I'll take you to her," Tracy said, going up to him, taking his arm. "If you carry my bag," she added. 

Angel nodded and let himself be led out of the library. Giles just went back into his office to search for some information on this darkness from within. 

Tracy and Angel never stopped, nor spoke. Both deep in their thoughts. Tracy wondered how Angel would take the news. She knew that he would be beyond sad. After all, he was in love with her. Again she told herself how lucky Buffy had been. True friends, true love. She was the luckiest among slayers. Most of them were loners like Tracy. Lone life, lone death, small grief. Sure, she died early, but all slayers did. At least she got a little bit of that great happiness that comes from loving someone completely. 

Angel wondered why she was leading him to the cemetery. Buffy was probably out on patrol. He would help her again. He could hardly wait to take her into his arms and tell her he was back. She would be so happy! He knew that Willow did the spell in a way that he would never again loose his soul. He still remembered how painfully he found it out. 

* Demons were playing with his body. The physical torture was unbelievable. One laughed into his face as he was tied down. 

"Isn't this ironic? Just when that soul of yours was back for good, you have an eternity in Hell to suffer," seeing his questioning gaze, the demon went on. "That red-haired witch was pretty good with that spell. She left out the get-very-happy-and-loose-soul part." 

Next he heard a scream. His own voice, as the demon slammed into his tight anus. * 

Closing his eyes for a moment he willed the memory away. Now he would soon have Buffy in his arms. How happy she would be when he told her about his permanent soul. They could finally be happy together. He wouldn't stop making love to her until exhaustion. He grinned at the thought of pleasuring her again and again. 

"Here we are," Tracy's quiet voice brought him out of his fantasies. 

Looking around, he expected to see Buffy's first questioning, then happy face at seeing him. However, there was no one around. It was still just him and the girl. 

"Where?" he asked. 

Without a word she pointed to the grave they were standing in front of. Angel followed her finger and saw the name on it: "Buffy Anne Summers". 

"NO!" he screamed, then morphing into his demon self, he let out an inhuman growl as he crunched down dropping Tracy's bag and hugged the cold stone. 

Tracy just stood there, eyes fixed on the man before her. She could feel the pain deepen in her heart at seeing such strong agony. Sobs came from him and she kneeled down beside him, taking him in her arms from the back. She held him like this until the sobs ceased and his face returned to normal. Now he was just staring blankly into space. 

"Angel. Let's go back to the mansion." She stood up and held out a hand to him. 

For some time he was just looking at her, not really realizing something was before his gaze. Tracy shook him a little to snap him out of it. 

"Angel come on," she spoke a bit harshly. "Be a man and collect yourself. At least enough as to get to the mansion," her voice turned soft again, as if talking to a child. "I'm strong, but I can't carry you all the way." 

"You don't have to come," he answered as her words reached him. 

"I don't want to leave you alone." 

"Why? You don't know me." 

"I've heard a lot about you. Besides, no one in the state you are in should be left alone." 

"Thank you." 

"Don't mention it." 

Silently holding hands, they made their way to the house. Angel clung on to her small hand like a lifeline, drawing comfort and energy from it. She had some strange calming power coming from her and it relaxed him a little. 

Once in the house, she sent him away to shower. He hated to admit that she was right. It did feel good and even made him sleepy. He went into his bedroom with only a towel around his waist. He staggered when he saw her. She was wearing one of his boxers and a T-shirt. There were some similar clothes spread out on the bed too. She was sitting on the bed, legs dangling at the side, facing him. 

"Why did you change into those?" his own voice surprised him. It was harsh and choking from crying. 

"You should drink a little water for your throat. I'll bring you some while you put your things on. To answer your question, I can't sleep in what I was training in. I also hate to wear a bra into bed." 

"Why?" 

"That's the second time you asked that. I don't like to sleep in a bra because it's damned uncomfortable and mine has that thing to keep up the weight in them and I could best compare that thing to one of those corsets a century back." He had a look on his face that obviously stared at her asking what in the world she was talking about and she playfully added. "OK, OK. I know you didn't mean that by the why. To answer your real question, I don't intend to stay up all night. I'll hold you while you go to sleep. The heat coming from my body will be good for your senses. It will calm you down enough for you to go to sleep." 

"Thanks," he choked. 

"OK. I'm going for that water." 

Returning with the promised glass, she noted that he had already laid under the covers in the garments she had found and was staring at her. 

"Here," she gave it to him with a small smile. 

Then she slipped under the blanket herself from the other side. Laying on her side, she put one arm around him and he turned facing her and put his arm around her waist. 

"You're a very good person. I don't even know your name." 

"Tracy Shields." 

"I'll forever be grateful for this, Tracy." After a brief pause he added. "Won't your parents be worried?" 

"It's parent. My mom died a few years ago." 

"I'm sorry." 

"I'll live. That was partly why I accepted being the Slayer. A vampire did it. And don't worry about Dad. I called him while you were showering and told him I was with you. He got me a cell phone when I started slaying. I could use it if I got into trouble or needed an ambulance." 

"He knows about you being the Slayer?" Angel said into her chest. She was practically cradling him like a child. It felt comforting. Good thing he didn't have to breath. There wasn't much space left for air between his face and her chest. 

"I told him right away. He has a right to know." 

They both fell silent for a minute. 

"Tracy?" Angel said, sleepy. 

"Hmm?" 

"What has happened to Buffy?" 

"She ran away after what happened to you. Her mother learned of her being the Slayer and in an unthoughtful moment made her choose between going after Angelus or staying in the house. Buffy did the first as you know and thought that her mother didn't want her to stay. Though I really think she was running away from the memories she shared with you. After all, no one thought that you'd ever be back. She went to LA. The Watchers say Spike attacked her from behind in an alley and knocked her unconscious with a trash-can top." 

"I'll kill the bastard!" Angel abruptly set up. 

"No, no Angel." Tracy set up too and hugged him from behind. "Spike is probably far away from LA by now and you could search for eternity. You won't get anywhere with revenge," she spoke into his back and he could feel the warm air through his T-shirt. Then she turned her head and pressed the side of her face to him. "We need you here Angel. I need you. I'm just a new Slayer and I'm not exactly good. OK. I'm less good than that. Our fight needs you. The World needs you. Put your pain and anger into the fight and let it wear you out into oblivion. Pummel some vamps, it will make you feel better. From what I have learned of her, Buffy would like you to help too." 

"Where did you get so wise?" he said, giving up. 

"Way much time on my hands to sit, think and read." 

They both slumped back on the bed and only said two more sentences that night. 

"Sleep well," Angel said, again into her chest. 

"Dream happy things," Tracy answered, thinking that this was the first time she slept with another person. 

His cold body felt strange to her, but comforting. She had never known Buffy, but felt pain about her death too. 

'Buffy, I wish you could have lived to see him again,' was her last thought. 

* * *

Night had fallen on the streets of LA. Three figures were making their way down an alley. They were smiling and laughing in a male fashion. Two men, Arny and Daniel were pulling their friend, Matt. 

"C'mon Matt! This is your last night of freedom. A guy's supposed to have fun!" they said simultaneously. 

"But I love Sandy!" the groom shook his head. "Tomorrow I'm going to marry her and I promised to never cheat on her." 

"You'll be faithful from tomorrow. Don't say that you don't want to go in," Daniel encouraged his friend. "Think of us!" 

"All right. Just let me go," he gave in. 

The threesome reached their destination, the "Downunder". They paid the bouncer and entered the club. 

A thick layer of smoke hung in the air, lights were flashing. From the stereo Sister Machine Gun's "Burn" was deafening the viewers at full blast. On the lighted stage, a brunette was just about to drop the almost last piece of her garment, a silver panty. She still had a little something for the money on. 

_You're like a burning fire,_  
And I'll never be the same,  
No I'll never be the same... 

Arny and Daniel simultaneously whistled at the girl, who threw her panty at them with a swing of her leg, before making a turn with the help of a metal pole, glistening in the blue light. The guys looked for a place to sit and found a table close to the stage. Matt pulled his seat out and slightly bumped into someone. He turned around to apologize, when he came face-to-face with the blank expression of a blond man. His hair was almost like glued to his head, totally flat, his eyes were turned towards the stage, shining blue. Then, Matt felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked up and his eyes met the glare of a well-built man. He looked like a bodyguard, was the groom's first impression. He just sat down carefully on his seat, not turning ever again during the whole evening. 

Spike was looking at the naked girl in front of him. She was just a few inches from his face, kneeling, swinging her ass. He wanted to have some fun tonight and entered this striptease bar. 

"I'm turning to a brooding wuss like Angel," he told himself, when he decided to go in. 

Now, after a bottle of vodka and tree hours, he still didn't feel happy. All he could think of was his Slayer. 'Ex-Slayer,' he corrected himself. 'I came here to have some bloody fun, and am going to have it,' he decided, then ordered another bottle. 

Still, two more bottles and hours did nothing to lighten up his mood. He decided to go home. There wasn't really anything more. 'A good shag,' he thought. 'Maybe that would do me some good.' He looked around and noticed that some of the girls present looked up at him expectantly. He grinned to himself. 'After all, any woman would be happy to fill my bed. I don't need her, if I want to get rid of my hard-ons.' He noticed a blond girl in the corner. She was a real lady of the evening. Tight, black leather attire, lots of make-up. She seemed to be around 25, though could have been younger. This kind of life aged one fast. Spike smiled briefly and headed to her table. He sat down in the chair facing hers. Raising his hand, he motioned for the waiter, not taking his eyes off the girl. She had wide lips and big, dark eyes. Her hair was obviously dyed and her roots were showing. 

The waitress appeared in her little uniform. She had long black hair, brought high up like the tail of a racehorse. The little skirt rode up to reveal the underside of her ass whenever she bent a to pick up a glass from the tables. 

"Bring this lady another one," Spike pointed down on her drink. It appeared to be Martini. 

The waitress only nodded and went to fill his order. 

"I'm Spike," the vampire introduced himself. 

"I'm Nikki," she smiled at him seductively. Her voice held the familiar edge of a smoker. "Looking for someone, Spike?" she asked. 

"Yes, and I have just found her," he smiled back. 

The girl bent a little bit forward, drawing all eyes on her full breasts. The drink quickly arrived and she took it to her lips, finishing it with one swing and trailed her lips with her tongue. 

"Let's go," Spike decided, as he took Nikki's hands. 

On his way out, he gestured to his minions to wait for him here. They didn't mind. There were a couple of willing victims they could take to a quiet place and drain dry. 

Spike led the girl to another alley, away from any activity. They kissed hungrily, their tongues colliding in their mouths. Without any hesitation, Spike began to get rid of her clothes. He pulled her top up, ran his hands up her thighs, tugging the small skirt up. He was glad to notice that she wasn't wearing any underwear. Her hands were at his belt and undid it with a couple of practiced movements. She took his cock into her right hand and with fast strokes began to work on making it hard. Spike responded with a growl and bent his head to run his tongue down on a breast, then the other. He next turned his attention on the nipples, twirling his tongue around them, making them hard enough to hurt. Nikki surprised him by reaching into her pocket and taking out a condom. 'Oh what the hell,' Spike dismissed the thought of jerking it out of her hand with a shrug. He stopped moving for a second to allow her to put it on him. The minute it was done, she shrunk to her knees and took his already hard cock into her mouth. She had no trouble deep-throating him and Spike jerked his hips forward, fucking her mouth. He placed his hands on the wall, supporting himself. 

"Get up," he ordered her and she complied. 

He briefly looked at her swollen lips, before grunting out his command. "Turn around." 

She did as told and the vampire made her bend down. It was her turn to seek support from the wall, as he pushed his shaft into her wet channel. He groaned at her warmth and licked his lips. With fast and hard strokes, he pounded into her. He could hear her muffled screams, signaling that she was also in pain, not just pleasure. He didn't care. He just went on, making fearsome vampire sounds in the process. For many minutes they stood there like this, the sounds they were making disappearing in the noises of the city. Spike concentrated on the feeling of a hot pussy around his manhood, but still couldn't cum. He knew well why not. All he kept seeing in front of his eyes was Buffy. And this girl was not her. Both his mind and body knew that. 

With a grunt he pulled out of the girl, took off the condom. She rose and looked at him with questioning eyes. Spike's answer was to vamp out. Nikki just screamed and ran off as fast as she could, for her life. The vampire refastened his belt. With a frustrated growl, he punched into the brick wall. It shook a little, but the damage to his hand was worse. A trail of blood trickled from the wound and he licked it up. Taking out a handkerchief, he bandaged his hand. 

The master vampire returned to the club and signaled to the minions that it was time to go back to the hotel. He saw them look puzzled on his hand, but wouldn't say a word. They went to the car and one of them held the door open for Spike. He got into his black BMW and after the whole group was in, the chauffeur brought the engine to life. Spike watched the city through the blacked-out windows, as they sped through the streets of LA. People passed in front of his eyes, but he took no notice of them. His mind was on Buffy. Was she really the reason for why he couldn't cum? Or maybe it was the condom, he tried to convince himself. However, it was to no use. The only woman he really wanted was Buffy and he was determined to get her tonight, either way. 

Buffy was lying on the couch as always and looked up when her sire marched in, the minions trailing after him. 

"Go into your room and if you come out, you're dust!" he ordered. 

Buffy got up, ready to go into their room to undress him. 

"No!" he commanded as she stepped to him. 

He grasped one of her small hands in his and roughly pulled her form to him. Bending down without hesitation, he claimed her lips, immediately plunging into her mouth. She could taste the alcohol and realized he was drunk. 

"Spike, stop, you're drunk," she protested after breaking away. 

"You're my childe and I do whatever I want with you. Tonight, I want you." 

With one swift movement he grabbed her dress and yanked it over her head. Picking her up by the waist, he made her sit on the bar that was low enough to position her opening just on the level of his manhood. Spike changed his plan of immediately taking her and dropped onto his knees, then pulled off her panties. He surveyed the dark nest of curls and ran his left hand over it, making her jerk. He could smell and feel her becoming aroused. With a smile, the vampire leaned to her and licked around her folds. She gave out a shriek and encouraged, he began lapping her juices up. 

Buffy was scared. Not really from his intentions, but that the demon inside her was getting what it wanted. She was afraid for her sanity, her soul. She tried to keep her mind off his ministrations, but couldn't stop herself from whimpering, wiggling as two of his fingers plunged inside her cold core. 

Spike was so happy about her responses. He decided that she wanted him too and didn't hesitate to stop for a moment in order to get his own clothes off. Standing, he massaged his cock a little, though it was like marble already. With one move he plunged deep inside her, making her scream and growling at the tight feeling. Not taking her slowly, he started pounding inside her with the speed and strength of a vampire and Buffy responded with meeting his thrusts as best as she could. He angled their bodies so as to bump into her standing clit. 

Buffy was beyond thought as he intruded her passage. The length of him felt so incredibly good and she could only moan. Even despite the fact that it was hurting her as well, since she only had sex once before. In no time, she could feel her release coming and shouted his name as she came, changing into game face. When she clamped down on his shaft, Spike came too, demon appearing. He leaned down and bit into her neck as she followed suit. 

After a few seconds of drinking, they pulled away and Spike picked her up. Carrying her in his arms, the vampire made his way to their room and deposited her on the bed. Nude, he snuggled next to her, holding her frame in his arms and was asleep. Buffy stared at the ceiling in the darkness, wondering about what had just happened. However, by the time the sun rose behind the shades, she too, was asleep. 

More sex followed in her dreams with the blond vampire holding her. 

* * *

Tracy opened up her eyes. For a minute she looked around wondering where she was, then she remembered. Angel was still soundly sleeping in her arms. He was hugging her tightly. 

'Poor Angel. He must be so emotionally tired.' She kissed the top of his head and lightly began stroking his hair. It felt smooth to her touch, like a baby's hair. She felt him stir a little. Then he raised his head and stared into her blue eyes. 

"Hi," he said. 

"Hi," she gave him a small smile. "Feeling better?" 

He broke away from her gaze and looked in front of him. 

"Don't feel guilty if you do. She wouldn't want you to be all sad. When I die I want people to dance around my grave and share happy memories of me. I want them to smile when they remember, not cry. I don't want to cause pain to the people I love. I'm sure no one does." 

"You always know what to say, don't you?" 

"No," she laughed. "If I did, I wouldn't be so lonely." 

"Aren't the others helping you?" 

"They try, but I'm not exactly in the group. Besides, I didn't mean that kind of lonely. I'm lonely inside." 

"No love?" 

"Non. Not ever. Especially being a slayer. I don't want to harm any man like that. Good thing I don't have time to fall in love." 

"If only she hadn't fallen in love with me. She would still be alive." 

"What makes you so sure? How do you know that she wouldn't be just as dead as she is now if she hadn't fallen in love with you?" 

"But our love was what brought Angelus out. Then I wouldn't have done those horrible things..." 

"However, you also saved her more times than I can remember. Besides, those what-would-have-happened-if talks won't get us anywhere. Everything happened the way it had. Everything's the best that way." 

"Now I come out of Hell and find out that Buffy's dead, just when..." 

"What is it Angel?" she had concern in her voice. 

"Just when I know my soul is permanent. The course Willow did left out the loose-soul part." 

"Oh Angel, no," she stared at him with her mouth wide open. "I just know why you were freed from Hell. Instead the real one, you were banished into Hell on Earth. How cruel games the Devil plays." 

Angel looked up into her eyes and saw tears forming. 

"You're crying because of me?" His face was full of them too. 

"For you, for her, for love, for happiness. You deserve to be happy after what you had gone through, still, you're more than sad." She started rocking him in her arm. 

They cried together like that until they fell back to sleep, practically in each other's arms. They held on to the other like two scared children in the night. 

Angel was the first to wake up. He slowly freed himself from Tracy's arms and looked down at her sleeping form. She didn't look like a teen. She looked like a little girl with her fair hair, small features. He remembered her words. Yes, she needed him. He had to help this girl to survive. She took herself so lightly. Her own feelings didn't seem to matter to her much. She could care of others loving her and getting hurt, him being hurt. However, she didn't seem to want to care for her pain about loosing her mom, nor never being in love, not even dying. 

He forced himself to turn and head for the kitchen. He took out a blood-bag and drained it. Next, he went to the bathroom and cleaned his teeth. It was dark outside and it was time to go slaying. He returned to the bedroom and gently placed a hand on her shoulder as he sat down beside her. 

"Tracy, you need to wake up." 

Slowly, reluctantly, she opened up her eyes and stared into his face. 

"Angel," it seemed more like her taking a breath than actually saying something. 

"It's dark outside. We could go out and slay some." 

"Are you sure you feel up to it?" 

"It will do me good." 

"Yeah, I guess it will. So, you're staying?" she was talking barely above whisper. 

Angel didn't hesitate to answer. "I'm staying and I'm going to help you train. Maybe even teach you Thai Chi." 

"You know Thai Chi? I always wanted to learn that, but never got around to it." 

"Well then, the time has come," he gave her a small smile. He was still looking down at her face. 

She slowly pulled a hand out of under the blanket and placed it on the side of his face, where his lips curved up more. "I want to see more of that and intend to do everything for it. I'm going to help you through this Angel, together we'll make it. Trust me." 

"I trust you." Yes, he trusted her. Something about her made him feel like if he had known her all his life and unlife. 

"Thank you. Now, please go out while I change. I wouldn't want to scare the vamps away in my outfit before I dust them." 

"Scare them away?" he gave her a quizzical look. 

"Well, me not being exactly a beauty and all..." she smiled. 

He stared at her for a moment, then went out. "But you are," he silently told himself. 

She jumped out of the bed the minute he was outside. Quickly, she changed into her own clothes. 'I shouldn't think about him that way. I have no chance. Oh, if only he wasn't so beautiful,' she let out a sigh. 

"Your turn to change." she told him as she stepped out of the bedroom. 

"You were fast. It'll be only a minute." He left. 

* * *

Buffy looked over at Spike. He was standing in front of a long, dark blue dress in the shop. She had just come out with another one of his selections on. He certainly knew how to pick the perfect dresses for her. 

She wandered about last night. He attacked her, took her, but he was drunk. She wondered why he was drunk then. Buffy could feel herself getting aroused at the memory. Last night was much like her dreams, even the biting. However, Angel didn't appear in front of her eyes after it, as he did in her sleep. In fact, she realized that she didn't even think of Angel up until now. But why? No, she loved him and she would never stop loving him. She had to hate Spike for everything he had done to her. She couldn't like last night's happenings! 

She also wondered why he looked so sad when they woke up, still entwined. He quickly disentangled himself and stood up. Then, putting on a robe, he told the minions they were going out shopping, with this also notifying her of their nightly schedule. He didn't let her help him dress and waited outside till she was ready too. All night they had to practically run after him as he stormed into one shop, picked out a few garments, threw them to her to try on and after paying, flew out, on his way to another shop. His behavior was strange and very unlike him. He seemed mad. Buffy hoped he wasn't mad at her and would do something to hurt her later. 

Spike inspected the dress in front of him. It was a little bit lighter than navy blue, velvet, low-cut. It was cut up on both sides and reminded him of a priestess gown he once saw in one of those old big-budget movies. Then his mind let him on a different path. He remembered everything from last night and even thinking of it gave him a hard-on. However, now he was sure that Buffy would escape from him on the first chance she got. 'She must hate me for what I've done. Why did I have to go and get bloody drunk,' he cursed himself. 'I hurt her. I never wanted to hurt her again and still, I did. I'm a stupid pillock.' He ran a frustrated hand through his peroxide locks, then taking the dress of the stool, handed it to Buffy. 

"Try this one on pet, you'll look like the goddess you are," his tongue slipped. 

The ex-slayer just gave him a strange look, then turned to change yet again. Did models change this much during a show? 

* * *

The moon was high up in the sky, shining in the dark heavens. It was not full, nor half, but in an unnamed stage of it's never-ending cycle. Couples sat entwined under its gaze, cats gave their serenade. The world was asleep, except for some people of the night. One town however, small, like many in the States, was busier than any of its twins. Some people screamed in alleys for the last time in their lives, graves moved in the cemetery. Evil lurked in every corner, but the living population was unaware. They mostly either slept calmly in their beds or hopped around for the live music in the only teen club in town, the Bronze. 

However, the undead weren't left alone in this town. The graveyard and some alleys were full of the dust of vampires, not claiming any more victims. Even now, the last cries of them were heard among the headstones, as they crumbled to dust. 

Angel held up a stake and plunged it deep in his opponent's heart. Looking over at the girl fighting next to him, he noticed how swift her movements were and the unsure look in her eyes. She said nothing, her mind set on the fight. 

'She wouldn't last long living on the Hellmouth,' he grimly thought. 

It had been a week since they first met, since she held him as he slept. He noticed the first time they went out to slay together that she was even less than a beginner. Besides never fighting before, she had some overweight still that made her movements uneasy. Tracy was right when she said she needed him. He needed to stay here and keep her alive long enough to fully become a slayer. 

After what seemed like hours to him, she finally dusted the vamp. Then she looked up at him, strait into his eyes. 

"I'm not going to live long, am I?" 

"You will. I'll make sure." 

"You can't be in more than one places at a time. I don't really care though, after I die, another slayer will be called, and anyone would be better than me." 

"You talk far to much about dying." 

"I think about it every day, every hour and almost every minute. I'm only sorry that I couldn't have a child and now I would never have one. I always wanted to become a mother," she looked away, into the distance, her voice remained cold, emotionless, but her eyes spoke of a different story and Angel noticed this. 

"You're the mother type." 

"Thanks, Angel. Let's head to my house," with these words she started off and Angel kept next to her. 

"Why do you want to die?" 

"How did you discover that I wanted to die? Never mind. I... I just want to be with my mother and away from the unhappiness that I feel here. After I die, I'll either be unable to feel anything, or I'll be happy." She looked away from him, strait ahead. "I have thought of killing myself more than once, the only thing that kept me from it was my father. He needs me. I hope he'll find a way to live on after I won't be there to take care of him." 

"I don't want you to die." Tracy's head shot up at that simple statement. "I'm going to train you to be a great Slayer and you'll live long enough to fall in love, have a family." 

"Oh Angel, if I lived for a hundred years, maybe I could fall in love, but never be loved back. I could never have the life you described. Besides, I'm the Slayer. I would put any man in danger that got close to me. Also, what life would a child with the Slayer for a mother have? That's too insecure for any child." 

"Maybe..." he halted his sentence, as Tracy's cell phone rang. 

"Who could this be?" she asked, pushing the button." Oh, hi Giles... The library? But it's pretty late... OK, it's important. We'll be right there." 

"What did Giles want?" 

"He found something regarding what you heard. We have to go to the library," she said, as she turned around in that direction. 

They started off to the library in silence. Angel thought about the girl walking next to him. She always had a depressed cloud hanging around her. In the week he'd known her, he learned that she was intelligent and interested in many things. She didn't have friends, only on the Internet. Angel knew, she was lonely. Tracy seemed to be much older than her age and had a tiredness in her. She was tired about living, because she was disappointed in life. That was why she talked so much of dying and obviously had a desire to die. The vampire realized that she needed something or somebody to live for, since she wouldn't live for herself. Now it was her father and that relieved him. 

He unconsciously compared her to Buffy. Buffy was a sun and lighted everything and everyone that came close to her. She brought happiness even though she carried such a big weight on her shoulders. Tracy was very different. She was like the night Angel lived in. Full of even darker shadows. Those close to her could feel it right away. Maybe this was why she didn't have friends. Her depression ran very deep. Nothing could have brought her out of it. Then it dawned on him. She was like him. Though while the source of his depression came from guilt, hers of something else that he couldn't exactly name. He remembered what moved him out of that state. Buffy, love. He had found some joy in love and knew that Tracy would too. He hoped that some day she would find that love and her smile would turn to a genuinely happy one, not just the small sad one that she usually head. 

The vampire didn't know that Tracy's thoughts were on him. She knew she had deep feelings for Angel even before they met. From what she heard and read about him, she knew he was a very good person. Then when they met and she came face-to-face with his agony, her heart went out to him. She knew that she immediately fell in love with him the minute she held his sobbing body in her arms. She didn't want to believe her own feelings at first, but the thing that she felt couldn't have been anything else. She longed to see him, to hear his voice. She prayed for another night that she could spend with him in her arms. She wanted to touch him, kiss him, feel him. 

'Oh, what's the use,' was a sentence she had become far too familiar with. This was the phrase she used to chase the love out of her mind, though it just couldn't reach her heart. 'It never could be,' she kept on repeating and this caused a sharp pain in her. She had found love, but knew that it would never be returned. Tracy was aware of the fact the Angel would always love Buffy. She laughed a little at herself. It was like her to fall for one member of the great couples of our time. 

"The night is beautiful," she said, stating it to be a fact. 

Angel was startled a bit by this sudden breaking of silence. He looked over at her. She had stopped and was looking up at the moon. It was small, still, it seemed to cast an unearthly glow around her. Her fair mane glistened and her face was angelic. A look of pure pleasure was on her features and Angel wondered what put it there. 

"What makes you say that?" he asked her. 

"I always loved the night. I was planing on finding a job in the evening. Well, I guess the Fates granted that wish, just in a very different way than I had ever imagined. I love the night. The darkness with its shadows electrifies my senses. I don't like the day. It's too bright for me. The light quiets everything. However, when the night falls, everything around sings to me. The moon whispers magical things. I live in the darkness, in the day I only exist." 

Angel just stared at her. He would have done anything to be in the sunshine and was amazed at someone who would willingly choose the night. He watched her turn to face him. A glimmer of irony in her eyes and the set of her lips. 

"I must sound like Drusilla," with that she started her way to the library again. 

The creature of the night wondered what this whole little scene was about. Then he realized. She was leaving imprints of her in his mind so that someone would remember what she was really like, when she goes. She wanted him to know her thoughts of the night. As well as her thoughts of slaying, life, death. She was writing a diary in his memory. He caught himself wishing that she could live to be a hundred and give the wisdom that was in her to her grandchildren. He wowed to save her from her own death-wish and make her want to live. He didn't know how just yet, but her was determined to find a way. 

They finally reached their destination and simultaneously pushed the twin doors open. Giles' head shot up from an old book he held in his hand. He cast a look at Angel's weary face and knew what he was thinking. His mind was also occupied with trying to find a way to keep that girl, who was always so closed for him, alive. 

"How was slaying?" he asked, already knowing the answer. 

"I managed to stay alive," came Tracy's reply. Giles noted a little sadness in her voice and wondered why it was there. Could she be said because she was still alive, or was it something else? "What did you find?" 

"W-Well, it's an old prophecy. I found it in..." 

"Giles, as much as I'd like to hear about the history behind it, I'm awfully tired and would like you to get to the point. Sorry, I'm grouchy when tired," she stepped in. 

"A-Alright. 'Every year of the Devil, on the night of the new moon, before summer turns to autumn, human will shall disappear at the gateway to Him, allowing Him to rule.'" Giles read out loud. "W-We are in the year 1998. I-If we ... divide 1998 by 3, then we c-come to the number 666, which s-symbolizes the Devil. The new moon will be on the 20th." 

"And on this night all humans will cease to control their own will and He will have power over it. Will this be a one night event?" 

Giles looked up at her. She was so much different from Buffy. She could always solve these prophesies. 

"Y-Yes. I-I'm afraid that tomorrow the vampires of the city will have free reign." 

"So all, who are human will become some sort of zombies?" 

"Exactly." 

"Now, Angel, you don't qualify into that category. Do we have anyone else?" 

"Perhaps Oz." 

"Yeah, he's a werewolf. Only one question. Am _I_ human?" 

"I-I don't really know. You are the Slayer and have i-inhuman capabilities, but I don't ... really know if we can surely say that you're not human." 

"Any other things that could happen on that night?" 

"I-I don't know." 

"Great. Tomorrow after I get up, I'll call Oz." 

"Good." replied the Watcher. 

"OK, let's go. Bye Giles! Coming Angel?" with these words she left, an angel in toe. 

* * *

The ex-Slayer sighed as she put down the magazine. Magazines. She was so bored again, and all she could do was to sit around. She was itching to do something, to fight with someone other than herself. Things weren't improving with her and Spike. He was more silent than ever, hardly able to look at her. There were times when she thought that maybe he felt bad about what happened and that was the cause to all this. She fought with herself to get it out of her mind. Spike, a vampire without a soul, they couldn't feel remorse. Angel told this to her. 

Dreams. They were more vivid than ever. She still believed that those were the making of her demon. She had heard about something called the "vampire lust" and managed to convince herself that that was the only reason why she wanted to jump Spike every time she saw him. 

She wondered what had happened to the others. She was relatively dead, so probably a new slayer had been called. Buffy remembered what she had said over a year ago, before she died in the arms of the Master. Did Giles really train the new slayer? Or did he even know anything about what had happened? After all, she hadn't told anyone about coming to LA. If a new slayer had indeed been called, then how would they know? Would they think that only because Kendra? Or perhaps two slayers were called. She hated not knowing what was happening to her friends. Though it was her decision to run away, to live apart from them. Now, there was no going back. She would never stand in front of them being the one thing they all hated. She was also afraid that her demon would get out, though there had been no sign of her other than the dreams, then she could put them in danger. She knew she was strong. Maybe even enough to defeat Spike. However, she was aware of the fact that childer going after their sires were to be hunted down by the others. She just had to go on with her life the way it was. 

* * *

Tracy sat on top of a table in the library. She stared at the many books that rested on the shelves, trying to read the titles from the distance. She was dressed in comfortable clothes, her hair tight together. 

"Are you ready?" she heard a husky voice from the stacks call. She flipped down and looked at the clock. The sun would be going down soon. 

"I'm ready Angel," she sighed. "I had tied my dad down with a rope after telling him about tonight. The others are in the same position. According to Giles, Oz is safe, since he's not fully human. He should be here any minute now." 

As if on cue, the now red-haired werewolf marched in through the swinging doors, dressed for slaying. 

"Hello Tracy," he greeted her with a small smile. 

"Hi Oz!" she returned happily. 

Tracy liked Oz the most from the group. He didn't know Buffy well, so he didn't act around her like if she was the former slayer's substitute. He didn't glance at her with sad eyes either, like all the others. 

"Hello Oz," sounded Angel. 

"Oh, you're back there, man?" Oz started towards him. "I didn't see you in the shadows. Then, it's still daylight outside, so I guess it's the best for you there," he said matter-of-factly. 

"OK guys." Tracy went to Angel, so that she wouldn't have to shout just to make sure he listens. Oz followed her actions. "The sun will set in a few minutes. If we're lucky, I don't turn into a mindless zombie either and I'll join you in the slaying. If we're not, then you'll have to tie me down too and put me in the cage. This way you'll be on your own. Not like I'm much help anyway. Oh well," she sighed. "Tonight, we can't only keep to the usual hunting grounds. The Bronze isn't open until late night, so there won't be much activity around there. However, people will be wondering out from their houses mindlessly. The thing to do is to keep the vampires from feeding on them. Angel, you take the North side of town, Oz, you the South. Good luck for both of you," she nodded with her head and kept quiet, letting the two men alone with their thoughts. 

"The sun has set," Angel broke the silence. "I can smell it." 

"Smell it? That's nice." Tracy smiled. 

"Are you feeling strange?" Oz asked her. 

"No. Let's wait five more minutes. If nothing happens till then, I'm good." 

The girl stood there, hardly able to bare their stares as they waited for something to happen. Nothing did and she started to the doors. 

"Nothing happened. Let's go." On her way out, she grabbed the bolted crossbow from the table along with some ammunition. Learning to use it was easy, a lot more than hand-to-hand combat. 

They stepped out of the Sunnydale High, surveying the area around the school. There were no sounds, except for the usual cricket melody of the night. They broke apart, each heading in their own directions. Angel was afraid for Tracy, but no matter how hard he had tried to persuade her to go with him as they were planing yesterday, she wouldn't obey. Maybe she expected to die tonight. 

* * *

Giles sat at one of the tables of the library, trying to be engrossed in a book. However, it didn't work. His mind was on Tracy and he couldn't help worrying for her life. It was lunch break already and Tracy hadn't come into the library to report yesterday night's events. He heard the doors swing open and expectantly turned around. 

"Hi Giles!" greeted Willow. 

"Hello G-Man!" Xander added. 

"Hello," Oz quietly remarked, having come to school to spend the lunch-break with the subject of his affections. 

The librarian released the breath he didn't know he was holding and managed to stammer a greeting. 

"Have you seen Tracy today?" he hopefully asked. 

They all just shook their heads. 

"Not since last night when we parted," Oz told him. 

Unconsciously, the Watcher took off his glasses, rubbing his eyes. 

"Have you tried calling her house?" Willow asked. 

"There was no answer." 

"Well, maybe she was so exhausted that she had decided to skip a day. She could be staying at Angel's like a little over a week ago," Oz tried. 

They all turned to stare at him. They hadn't known of the night Tracy spent with Angel, she only told Oz. Though she didn't say he couldn't tell anyone. 

"She spent the night with him? I knew all along that Dead Boy was just trying to get into Buffy's pants. He wasted no time seducing another Slayer," Xander deducted. 

"It's not what you think Xander. They only slept. She didn't want to leave him alone after he found out Buffy was dead. She feared he might commit suicide or something. Tracy's a nice girl and I can't believe that you think she's so easy," Oz made it clear. 

"Woa man! That was the longest speech I've ever heard you give!" 

"Tracy's my friend," Oz shrugged. 

Willow just took his arm knowingly. She knew that Tracy and Oz liked each other from the beginning and she was happy that the new Slayer had someone she opened up to. Because she didn't to anyone else. Of course, the red head witch couldn't have known about the special relationship between Tracy and Angel. It was comradeship and friendship with mutual respect. It was something that just two fighters could establish between one another. 

"Well, since there's nothing for us to do here, I guess we'd better eat what they call lunch here," Xander smiled and let the little group out. 

* * *

Giles stood in front of Tracy's house. He had tried the mansion first, but Angel hadn't seen her either. He seemed very worried and suggested that he should check her house. A little too worried, Giles noted. Maybe she did go to sleep and pulled out the phone as not to disturb her. At least that's what they both hoped. 

The Watcher made a step to push the bell. It gave out a ringing sound and as a response some dogs barked in the nearby houses. He waited patiently, hoping that the door would open. Looking around he noted that all curtains and shades were pulled closed, keeping the California sun away. He briefly wondered about the reason behind it. 

He was just starting to go, when the door slowly opened to reveal a very tired looking Tracy. She was still in the clothes Giles knew she liked to slay in and had dark circles around her eyes. They were also puffy and her nose red, indicating that she had been crying. Without a greeting, he only asked, 

"What has happened?" 

"Come in." She stepped away from the door. 

She headed strait into the living room and halted in the middle, her back to her guest. 

"Giles, can a Slayer move in with her Watcher? Because I'm afraid that is the only option for me. Don't worry, I won't bother you much. I don't have many things either, just some clothes, books and my laptop." 

"Of course you can. But what about your father?" he asked, concerned. 

"Oh, he won't object. In fact, he can't. He, ...he ... died last night." She closed her eyes as another round of tears threatened to spill out from her already almost emptied ducts. 

"I'm sorry." Giles made a move to enfold her in a hug, but she stopped him with razing her left hand that held a tissue. 

"No Giles, let's not talk about it. Ever. Just,... don't feel sorry for me, I'll live as I always do. I just need to be alone for a while now. Tomorrow in the afternoon come for me to go to your place with my bags. You'll also have to settle this legally. Goodbye for now," her words were harsh, unemotional. 

Giles just kept  looking at her back, not knowing for a moment what to do. Then he turned around and went out the door. He didn't see her collapse on the floor as another wave of sobs overtook her whole frame. 

After a while she collected herself and sat up. Wondering what to do, she crept to the TV and turned it on. Watching it for hours with a numb head, she got lost in the many daytime soaps. Darkness fell and she turned off the set, tired of watching it. She felt no hunger, just the eating emptiness in her heart. 

Tracy went over to the stereo and set the CD player to start in a few seconds. She positioned herself on the empty part of the room that was especially left for her. She felt the Indian-like beginning of Aeone's "Body in mind" (Get it at mp3.com!) flow through her body as she slowly began to move to the music. She was dancing to an invisible viewer. Every move of her in perfect synch. She was so absorbed in the music, she didn't hear the front door open and someone come in. She also didn't see Angel popping his head to the entrance to the room and watch her. She had her back to him, so there was no way she could see him. Angel was examining her slow and sensual dancing, the small circles she made with her hips almost like the Arabian women with their wail. Her hands moved in an almost hypnotic way, as if sweeping a cloth in the air. He noticed that the scene was rather erotic, the way she was twirling around, touching herself in the mimicking of a lover's caress. She finished by bowing her head and he couldn't do anything else, but clap at her performance. She looked up at him, startled. 

"Angel! How long have you been standing there?" 

"Long enough. Where did you learn to dance like that?" he was curious about her hidden talent. 

"From TV." 

"TV?" he raised an eyebrow. 

"Yeah, it's amazing what you can learn from there. My teachers were Gene Kelly, Sid Cerise, ballet dancers and who knows how many more. Maybe you should get a set." 

"Maybe." He looked down, then back up again. "Giles told me what happened..." 

"Stop!" she almost screamed at him. "Let's not talk about it, Angel. I just need to get my mind off of it for a while. Later it will all be better. If I think about it now, I'll go mad for certain." 

"OK. I just came by to ask you if there was anything I could help you with." 

"If you can take over patrolling for a while, that would be wonderful, Angel." 

"Sure, Tracy. Well, I'd better get going." He started out. Tracy went over to lead him out. 

"See you around, Angel," she gave him a weak smile. 

She shut the door behind him and started the music up again, dancing till she became so exhausted, she could hardly breath. Next, she went upstairs, strait to the bathroom. Quickly taking off her clothes, she stepped in the shower and set the water on hot. It almost rinsed her skin off, but she liked it that way. She stood there for a long time, enjoying the water. Imagining not for the first time Angel drawing the curtain away and stepping in with her. Running those large, strong hands down he shoulders, all the way to her hands. Then, she saw him with her mind's eye take some soap into his hands from hers and start to wash down her body, right to the... However, she stopped herself. Too many daydreams, never reality. 

Feeling clean again, Tracy stepped out, rinsing. She touched her body lightly with the fluffy towel, making sure that she left no wet spots. Naked, she walked into her room and set on top of the bed. She opened the bottle of cream standing on her night-stand and poured some into her palm. Slowly, she applied it all over her body, closing her eyes at the sensation of her skin drinking in the body lotion. At last, she stood up and pulled some panties out of a drawer and put them on. Laying down on the bed, she shut the lamp off. 

* * *

Giles stood in front of the third house that they. It was the pretty two-stories one on Rewello Drive. He waited, until an all too familiar woman with brown hair opened it. 

"Hello Giles. Came for another cup of coffee?" 

"Not exactly, but I could use one, thanks," he said, stepping inside. 

Joyce shut the door behind him and they went into the kitchen together. Joyce poured some of the dark liquid into a cup and put it into the microwave. She turned back to see Giles sitting on a stool, hunched over and worry evident on his face. 

"What is it?" the woman asked. 

"Joyce, you must know more about girls than I do. Tracy... her father had died last night. I don't know how it's happened. She doesn't want to talk about it. She seemed very calm, though I know she had been crying." 

"What will happen to her now? She's an orphan." 

"I'll adopt her. It's not uncommon for watchers to adopt their slayers. I just don't know how to make her open up and deal with this whole situation," he took off his glasses and rubbed his nose. 

"I think you should leave her alone. Make her come to you when she feels it's time. You can't force her. Just be near in case she does want to talk to someone." 

"I'm also afraid that she'll turn suicidal. You don't know her as well as I do. She talks so much about dying and seems to want it. I don't think she'll kill herself, but she'll get herself into more and more dangerous situations without calling help. She had done this just last night. She didn't let Angel go with her slaying." 

"I don't really know. Buffy had never been like this." 

"Yes. She was always so full of life." 

Joyce looked down as a silent tear made its way down her cheek. Giles stood up and went over to her. He brushed it off with his thumb while caressing her face with the rest of his hand. 

"Giles," she looked up into his eyes and hers' drifted shut as his lips came down. 

The kiss was sweet, calming and endearing. However, it was also brief. When Giles finished it, he didn't run away this time. 

"Joyce. I..." 

"Something is happening. I know." 

"Yes. I'm feeling very strongly for you. It's beyond friendship. If... If you want me to leave..." 

"No," Joyce cut in. "I want you to kiss me again." She smiled up at him. 

Giles returned her smile and bent down again. 

* * *

Tracy just screamed and screamed as she awoke. The nightmare had been tense. She saw her father, just a few steps from the house, lying on the ground, dead. He somehow yanked free from his ropes and in his zombie state, walked out. A vampire came along and fed on him. A simple case. Too simple to really happen, but it did. It was a horrible site as she saw him. His body was pale and there was a big bite-mark marring his neck. It wasn't a clean bite, not like an old vampire's, who takes it to an art to leave as little mark as possible. No, a huge tear of skin by a young-one. His eyes were still open, staring into the life that they didn't take notice of anymore. However, his face held no expression of pain, because of the state he had been in. Tracy had to force herself to look away from the site. Thinking quickly, she pulled out her knife and cut out his heart to keep him from walking. It was a hard task, but she knew that this would be better. She didn't think of it, the numbness overtaking her mind and heart. Covered with her father's blood, she went back into the house and washed her hands for about an hour. As the sun came up, she dialed the ambulance. There wasn't much questioning, this was Sunnydale, after all. 

Now she was on her bed, crying again. Her body shook with the large sobs, determined to empty her tear-ducts once more. She was surprised, when someone enfolded her in a hug and started rocking her small frame. She realized it was Angel, and let him do it. When she finally stopped, her arms went around Angel's waist. 

"Thank you. Why are you here?" 

"I... I don't really know. I just had a feeling I must come. I'm glad I did. You need as much comfort as I do." 

"I'll deal," she tried to play brave. 

"Sure, with my help." 

"But you're not over Buffy either." 

"I'll never be over Buffy. However, as you said, I have to move on." 

"Now dad's gone," her tone was so cold, it made Angel flinch. "I... I can't move on. I have nothing to move on for. I... I'm going to leave soon, Angel." 

"Where are you going?" the vampire asked, not understanding. 

"To the grave." 

"Don't talk like that." 

"Oh, Angel," she sighed. "Why are you so determined to keep me alive?" 

"Because I know what a great person you are and I don't want to loose you." 

"Thank you for the compliment, but I really don't deserve it." 

"You do." 

"OK, let's stop now. You know as well as I do that you're only saying these things because you're a nice guy." 

"All right, have it your way. Do you want me to stay?" he asked, carefully. 

"Yes. Thanks. Just give me that tee from my chair. I usually sleep in panties." 

He stood up and gave her the garment. Turning, he stripped until he only had some boxers on. Next, he climbed in beside Tracy and held her as she put her head on his chest. They lay still for some time, neither knowing how much. Then, Angel felt her left hand creep up and touch his firm abdomen, starting to trace little circles on the taut muscles. He shuddered a bit, but didn't move any other way. The circles turned into caresses, going down to and over his thighs in the boxers. He could feel a flash of desire run through him. Opening his eyes, he just saw Tracy's face turn up to look at him. 

"Angel, I have something big to ask from you. I wouldn't ask it if it wasn't important and if I knew anyone else to ask it from. I know you'll always love Buffy, but I can't help it." 

"What is it?" he was curious to know. 

"Would you.." she trailed off, a slight flush creeping on her cheeks, "wouldyouhavesexwithme?" she blurted out. Without pausing, she rambled on. "I know it's a big thing to ask from you, but I've never done it before. I always wanted to have a man in my life, but never found anyone. I could die any day and I don't want to die as a virgin. That has always been one of my greatest fears, if you don't count fire, and..." she stopped abruptly. Waiting for him to say anything, she kept looking into his eyes. "I... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked." She looked away. 

"It's OK. I can understand it," without saying more, he reached up and took her face in his hands, turning it back. He traced a finger over the soft lines of her features, coming to her lips. Pulling her up a bit and bending down himself, he touched them with his own, lightly kissing them. She turned to give him a better access and he kissed her more firmly. Opening his mouth, he darted out his tongue, licking at her small lips. She understood what he wanted, having read and seen things like this, and opened her mouth, inviting him in. He tentatively deepened the kiss, showing her what to do. She obliged by shyly mimicking his actions. 

Tracy felt tingling all over her body and she forgot everything. All she could think of was the sweet touch of his mouth. Then he broke away to let her breathe and she stayed like that, eyes closed. 

"Are you sure you want to do this?" he asked her. 

Opening her eyes, she told him the truth. 

"I wouldn't think of doing it with anyone else, Angel. I... I love you. I never meant to fall for you, but you're sooo good and kind and sweet and handsome and beautiful and... I could go on for hours. I couldn't help it." 

"Tracy... I...." he stammered, not sure what to say to her confession. 

"I know that it hadn't been a long time since we've known each other, but sometimes it just takes a second. When I read about you in Giles' diaries, I found myself wanting to have someone like you. Then I saw you standing on top of the stairs and ... my first thought was that my desire appeared in front of me. When I saw how much pain you were in because of Buffy's death, ... there isn't anything that makes a woman love a man more than to see him love someone else with such force. I also know you don't love me and I don't expect you to. You just lost Buffy and you'll always love her." 

"It was centuries ago that I lost her," he quietly replied. 

"Centuries? But how is that possible?" she looked at him, bewildered. 

"Time passes differently in Hell. What was just a few months here, was centuries there." 

"Oh," she could only utter. Her mouth stayed like that, forming an O. 

Angel smiled weakly at her and brought his lips to hers' ones again. This kiss was so sweet and so tender that Tracy almost cried. She was lying next to him and her left hand started to wonder on his strong chest, while the other one was trapped between them. He broke away, leaving her panting and started down her neck, slowly nibbling on her skin. Waves of pleasure shot through her that she had never felt. His hands were on her back, supporting her as he sat up. Turning her to fully lay on her back, he shot her a smile and went back to the licking and kissing, only pausing to quickly pull her T-shirt over her head. Tracy didn't even notice the moan that escaped from her lips. The coldness of his mouth aroused her even more. 

Angel enjoyed her hot skin, he couldn't deny it. It was too evident. However, he couldn't help feeling like betraying Buffy. One side of him told him to stop this, but the other side made him see that this young woman underneath him needed him all too much. She loved him and Buffy was dead. He didn't want another woman, but he couldn't help noticing how kind Tracy was. How sweet her voice sounded. How depressed she always was, making his undead heart ache for her. He had to admit to himself that he felt more for her than friendship, but his wounds were to fresh to know exactly what. Tenderness, most certainly. Love? For many years love equaled Buffy in his life and he couldn't bring himself to feel like that for anyone else. At least he didn't want to. He felt confused, but decided to not think of anything else, but pleasuring Tracy and making her first night memorable and beautiful. 

Tracy was torn apart inside too. One part of her wanted nothing more than to do everything with him and to just lose herself in his touch. The other side of her was screaming that she was foolish. He could never love her. This was just what she had said it to be; sex. However, she decided that she didn't want to die as a virgin. She was determined to have him just for this night and forget that Buffy Summers ever existed. In the back of her mind, she knew that after this night, she could never let him go. 

Lost in her thoughts, she only realized where Angel was, when he settled between her tights. 

... 

He looked up at her face and noticed tears spilling out of her eyes. 

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have let you do this," he said, feeling guilty. 

"No, no it's OK Angel, really. I don't know why I'm crying. Maybe it's that I feel so happy with you in my arms and purring against my neck." She smiled at him. 

Turning on his back, he brought her form to lie on his chest, while coming out of her. In no time they were both silently asleep, arms wrapped around each other. Before slipping into the world of dreams, Tracy murmured against his chest, 

"I love you, Angel" 

Inside himself, Angel could only think of one answer, 

"I'm sorry that you do, Tracy." 

* * *

Tracy slowly opened her eyes, coming awake. She could feel a slightly warm body underneath her and for a minute didn't know what has happened. Then, she looked up and saw the slightly smiling and sleeping Angel. She wondered why he felt warm a little, then realized that it was the sheets and her body that warmed his up. Slowly getting up, she got out of her bed. After that she remembered that she didn't need to be quiet, having read that vampires couldn't be waken up easily and they got up when their body had enough rest, or they sensed danger. She walked over to her CD player and found the song that started playing in her head when she saw him. (I'll remember you - Sophie Zelmani) 

_It's daybreak_  
And you are asleep  
I can hear you breathe now  
Your breath is deep 

_But before I go_  
I look at you one last time  
I can hear a heartbeat  
Is it yours or is it mine? 

_I look at your lips_  
I know how soft they can be  
Did they know what they wanted  
The times they kissed me? 

_And your hands_  
That I held in mine  
Now they're reposing on the pillow  
Will they ever miss me sometime? 

_I'll remember you_  
You will be there in my heart  
I'll remember you  
And that is all that I can do  
But I'll remember 

_Your eyes_  
That always make me shiver  
Now they are closed  
They just sometimes twitch a little 

_And your body_  
I could hold for an hour  
It sent me to Heaven  
With its heat and power 

_I'll remember you_  
You will be there in my heart  
I'll remember you  
And that is all that I can do  
But I'll remember 

Tracy just stood watching the sleeping Angel and by the end, her tears were falling freely. She shook with sobs and when it ended, bolted out of the room and ran down to the living room. She just sat down, crying her heart out on the couch. 

'I'm a fool! A big fool! Why did I have to do that last night? Because I can't control my hormones, that's why. Now the little time that I'll live will be spent with thinking of how he felt when inside me. How wonderful his kisses were...' she thought angrily. 

She got up again and headed strait to the bathroom. She showered, millions of thoughts running through her mind with lightning-speed, but not really grasping any of them. She got out, toweling herself dry and stopped when she saw her image in the mirror. There were a pair of puncture wounds on her neck, almost closed partly because they were so small, his licking and her enhanced healing abilities. She ran her fingers along them, returning to the moment they were made briefly. Determined not to cry anymore, Tracy went back into her room and started collecting her things. Then she realized she was still nude and put the discarded T-shirt on again. A flesh of memory reminded her just how it was taken off and she got quickly aroused. She stopped right there and got out some panties as well. After that, she went on with her monotonous actions. 

Angel opened his eyes to see the woman he spent the night with, packing. 

"What are you doing?" he asked. 

Tracy jumped a little and turned towards the naked man with a pair of trousers in her hand. 

"I'm moving to Giles. He'll do the official things to become my guardian." She looked down, then continued. 

"Tracy, what happened last night..." 

"Was a mistake," she cut in. "I know. I'm sorry Angel, I let my hormones and desires lead my actions. I shouldn't have revealed my feelings to you. I know that I'm only hurting you, because you don't feel that way." 

"I really don't know, what I feel for you," he said, quietly. "It's more than friendship, I just don't know what else it could be." 

"Don't. Don't try to love me because I do you. I know you as much as to be sure that you're trying to convince yourself." She looked up at him. His deep eyes were fixed on her as he was sitting on the bed, only covered from waist down. He was beautiful in the faint light, the shadows edging his features and bringing out the muscles on his chest. The urge to go there and kiss him was almost unbearable, to have a morning after with him including long snuggling and him feeding breakfast to her while fooling around with the food, but she stopped herself. No use going into that again. 

"Don't feel bad about me, Angel. You can't make yourself love me. I really am very lucky, you know. I got a night of beauty and passion to remember with the man I love. That's more than some people can say about themselves. There are some people who never get to be with who they love and go for long years wanting, wishing, wondering what it could be like to love them- These people would give anything for just one night. I'll never forget it, but I don't want it to be repeated. Let's just go on like if nothing had happened." 

Angel just stared at her. It was obviously hurting her to say those words, but she was determined. However, he knew that she was right. Or was she? He remembered the night they shared. Her sweetness, the taste of her mouth, her juices, the variety of sounds she made. That was passion. Still, when he looked at her again, it wasn't her nude form that appeared in front of him. It was the way she stood in the moonlight, staring up and talking about darkness. His heart filled with aching gentleness and he was at a loss of what to do. What was it that he was feeling? 

"If that's the way you want it... then it'll be that way." 

She only nodded and looked down at the bag she had filled. 

"You should take a shower," she said without emotion. 

"Right," he agreed and stood up. 

She just handed him his clothes that were close to her without looking up at his nude form. He took them away and she heard his steps on the carpet. Alone, Tracy closed her eyes, forcing back the tears. 

* * *

The sun was still shining brightly on the sky as Tracy headed towards the Mansion. She was wearing comfy clothes, had come to practice Thai Chi with Angel. It had been a few weeks since _that_ night, as she called it. Every day she thought about it, though she didn't want to. However, it was the best memory she had. 

Entering the building, she saw no one, but heard the water running in the bathroom. She decided to sit down and wait for him to appear. She looked around the dim room, noticing how much like Angel it was. He had brought his art-works here from his apartment and had placed them on displays. A thing of the past. However, the furniture was black leather, modern. The room was full of dark colors, vampire style, but the displays were softly lit, like small suns in the Universe. On the coffee-table, she noticed drawings lying in a heap that even in its careless state seemed to be in order. One was of Buffy smiling, her eyes full of love. Tracy expected her to say something any minute as she stared at her. She had seen photos of Buffy, but this told a lot more about her than all the stories she had read. She seemed like the sunshine, happiness and love. Tracy could never compete with a woman who was like that. She was death compared to her. Tracy was shocked to see a drawing of her under it. She picked it up and traced he own features on it. The picture showed her staring up at something with wonder on her face. 'I look beautiful,' she realized, always thinking of herself as an ugly duckling. 'Do I really look like this? Full of misery and sorrow? Ready to cry at any minute?' There was also a paper with words on the table and she decided to read it. 

## Angel's tears

Tears glistened in her eyes,  
I saw her reflection.  
The fight had ended,  
But the war never will. 

My dead heart had beat  
Centuries past without,  
Large hazel orbs twinkled  
Leading to my soul's eyes. 

She walked in the dark,  
Knocked me on the ground.  
Question glowed in her,  
And my cross on her. 

She took my warning,  
Chill crept on her form.  
I enveloped her in leather,  
She was never without. 

Little snores stirred  
In the bright night.  
Her lips burned me,  
Pulling the demon out. 

She lay before me  
Still in the depths,  
I could only stare  
As she fought the death. 

Water sprang forth  
Her orbs glistened  
My soul lived  
With her heart. 

We defeated the foe,  
Then celebrated,  
A brief victory  
In a short life. 

She had returned,  
A change in her,  
Determined in head,  
Longing in heart. 

Slowly I realized,  
I wasn't alone,  
She felt as me,  
Fear glistened in me. 

I am a demon,  
Creature of dark,  
She is human,  
Child of light. 

She took my hand,  
I bathed in her shine,  
Unknown happiness  
Was at my side. 

Her petite body  
Moved with mine,  
Going higher  
With each stride. 

I awoke startled,  
Gold in my eyes,  
My soul left me  
With the demon rise. 

I killed my friend,  
I fought my love,  
I loved my hate,  
I broke my desire. 

A last deed  
Of evil in me  
To open Hell,  
Destroy the World. 

My love brought  
A shining sword,  
The spell worked,  
Oh, too late. 

Cast into Hell,  
A roaring pit.  
But I survived,  
To live forever in it. 

A new sun rises,  
Still I force it  
To return where it  
Broke through from. 

I can't keep it  
Under horizon.  
Do I deserve,  
Another chance? 

Can a heart  
Broken once  
Learn to fell  
Over again? 

She stared at the last three verses. The ones before those were obviously of his and Buffy's relationship, but could the new sun be her? She was stopped by Angel emerging from the bathroom and she quickly set the things in her hands down. 

"Hi. Ready to do some exercise?" He greeted her. 

"Yeah." She got up. 

* * *

Giles was sitting across from his Slayer and adopted daughter, not really concentrating on the book he held. They were relaxing in the living room after some practice. She was typing on her laptop like a professional and he wondered how easily they have slipped into the routine of living together. It had been almost two months since her father had died and she moved in with him. She had become even more silent and reserved. 'Silent isn't the right word,' he corrected. Sure, she talked about slaying, history, things she had read, done, a lot of things. In fact, she was talking all the time. However, she never mentioned what she felt, needed. The conversation never really got personal in that way. 

She wasn't hard to live with. Although, Tracy did tend to leave her things lying around, but that didn't bother Giles. He seemed to be spiffy, but in truth he didn't like order. A great example for that was his rebellious youth. Also the fact that he still defied almost every law dictated by the Slayer's Handbook. 'Bugger the Handbook.' 

What was strange to the Watcher was that he had noticed a change in her friendship with Angel. Both of them got nervous when they met, but after a few minutes settled back into their usual demeanor. He couldn't find a reason behind it, but he was sure that it had something to do with her father's death, because they had been like that since that day. 

He noticed Tracy halting the typing and wondered what made her do it. Determined to read, he turned back to his book. 

Tracy's thoughts were on the recent happenings in her life. She just couldn't pay attention to writing down her memories any more. She suspected something that wasn't possible. It couldn't have been. Still, she had all the signs. Her period had been unusually late and she was feeling a bit sick in the mornings. In fact, her menstruation hadn't showed its ugly face since _that_ night. 'Could I be pregnant? But I was only with Angel.' She searched her memories, trying to find a time she couldn't account for. A time when she could have had sex with someone. No, all there. That was a silly thought anyway. The only thing to do was to get a test. 'If it's positive, then I have come across an interesting revelation.' She smiled a little at the thought of becoming a mother. 'What if I die with the baby inside me?' She paled. No, she had to stay alive now! She had something to live for again. Someone who would be more important to her than anyone in her life. She wished and feared it to be true. 

There was a strong banging on the door, startling the two. They glanced up and Giles went to answer it. He looked out through the hole and saw Angel standing there. He assumed the vampire was coming to report on patrol, since he was still doing it instead of Tracy, because they both felt she wasn't yet well enough. However, the vampire was too impatient. He seemed ready to bolt the minute he could get inside. Something was up. The Watcher yanked the door open. 

"What is it, Angel?" 

The man pushed himself inside. 

"Giles, I have dusted a vamp just a few minutes ago, but during the fight he dropped this." He handed him an envelope. "I can't believe it." Angel sat down on the couch, where Giles was sitting just a minute ago. He looked at Tracy staring at him and stopped himself from going over to her and wrapping his arms around the new Slayer's body. 

Still standing, Giles opened the envelope, noticing the expansive paper. Inside, he found a card that seemed to be and invitation. 

_Spike, aka. William the Bloody, killer of two Slayers and Sire of the third one_

_invites Gigeron and his companion_

_to attend the reception given in the former Slayer's, Buffy's honor._

He went over to sit next to Angel and just held the paper in shock. Tracy didn't know what to make of this and got up. She took the invitation from his hand and read it. 

'So Buffy hadn't been really killed. She was turned,' she thought. Glancing on the set date, she realized, 'This is tomorrow night!' 

"Do you think she had lost her soul?" she asked. 

"No," Angel shook his head. "If she did, then she would have come here to kill her mother. All turned vampires do that. Easy kill, the sire gets a meal too and it's also revenge. You have to admit that even though someone's your closest friend or relative, they still do something wrong from your point of view, in their lives. The demon only sees them in that reflection and can't rest until revenge is taken." 

Tracy knew he had been talking from personal experience and wanted to comfort him more than anything, still, she managed to stand in her place. 

"I see. What will we do now?" Tracy decided to give the commanding over to Angel. 

"You stay here. Me and Giles try to free her from Spike. He's probably keeping her as a trophy. I can't imagine what he could have done to her." Horrifying pictures played in his mind. 

"B-But if she does h-have a soul, ... then why didn't she leave him? A-A Slayer would make a very powerful vampire," Giles wondered. 

"If she did turn on her sire, there would be a prize on her head. Every vampire would be out to get her and take her back. A childe belongs to her sire until released." 

"I'm going," Tracy proclaimed. 

"No. It can be extremely dangerous. You're not ready," Angel stated. 

"I'm the Slayer now, and I'm going." 

"Tracy, don't put yourself in so much danger," the vampire pleaded. He couldn't imagine loosing her. 

She thought of her revelation. If that was really the case... 

"You win, Angel. I'll stay here and go slaying with the others." 

"All right then." 

* * *

Buffy looked down on the long red evening gown she wore. It was tight and the skirt was cut up on the left side to allow her to walk. It was low cut on the back, going below her waist, and in the front too, showing her cleavage. It had long sleeves, just to baffle the viewer on the designer's intentions. Her hair was up, leaving her long neck exposed. There was a bite-mark clearly visible on the left side. Spike had made it last night, as he always did before going out. He explained that it was to show that she belong to him. 

The vampire mentioned had just opened the door leading to their bedroom and was making his way towards her. Their escorts were already waiting and Spike took her hand. She looked him over. 'He's as handsome as always. No! I mustn't think of him that way! He's a rapist!' 

Spike noticed a small smile creep on her cheeks, then quickly fade. He wondered what she was thinking about and found that he had no idea. 'She's so breathtaking in red.' Of course, she was in anything. He wanted to grab her and kiss those red lips so much, but refused to hurt her. 

The small group went out of the room, down with the elevator, into the lobby. Twin doors opened up for them and they stepped inside the hall. 

Vampires from all over the World greeted the famous pair. They both smiled at them and returned their greetings, slowly mingling with the guests. Only a few minutes had past, when the doors opened again and silence fell on the room. Everyone stared at the newcomer. Jewels and dresses glistened in the artificial light, eyes flashed golden and Buffy almost fainted. 

Angel had stepped in. To them, Angelus. He was wearing a tux as all the guests, but what the others didn't have was the cocky way he held himself, as king of the world. 

Spike was the first one to find his voice and went over to his sire. 

"Angelus! You got out of Hell! What a nice surprise," he smiled. "How did you know I was here?" 

"Oh, I met up with a guy in Sunnydale that said he was so sorry he couldn't attend your party. So you sired a slayer. And not just any slayer, but my better half's love. Congratulations! No wonder you were always my favorite childe," he too, smiled. 

"I haven't heard you were in Sunnydale. Why didn't you go on creating havoc? The Slayer's gone." 

"Hell isn't such a nice place. Not even for our kind. I needed some time to get my strength back. But where is Buffy?" he looked around. 

Buffy stood there like a statue. Angel had gotten his soul back, that was for sure. Had he lost it again? Then, he called her Buffy with such a tone that was pure Angel, even though the vampires surrounding them couldn't know this. This was all an act! She stepped out of the crowd and stood before him, smiling. 

"It's nice to see you again, grandsire." 

"Well, well, Buffy, vampirism did you good." He looked her up and down. She really _was_ beautiful. The paleness of her skin, but the glow in it... Then he noticed the bite on her neck and had to fight down the urge to tear Spike's throat out. She couldn't belong to him! "Tell me all about how you brought this jewel into our community, Spike." Angel took his childe's arm as the room livened up again. The two males headed towards a smaller room, opening from the side, the former Slayer trailing behind them. 

Once inside, she shut the door and looked at Angel, standing in front of Spike, keeping the younger vampire out of her view. This was the time to move. She just didn't care about being hunted anymore. Buffy walked behind him and with one move knocked her sire unconscious. Angel took her hand and led her out. Speaking to everyone, he announced, 

"As the grandsire of this woman I take her over from Spike. According to our laws I have permission to claim anyone who my direct childe turns," with these words, he walked back to Spike, shutting the door again. 

"Stake him," Angel gave her a stake and climbed out the door. He knew he couldn't have done it himself. He had created him and couldn't destroy the being that was still like a son to him. 

Buffy stared at the man lying before her. He seemed so peaceful. His edged features, blond hair, the tuxedo he wore. She remembered their only time together and dropping the stake, climbed out after Angel. She found herself on the other side of the building. Giles was waiting for them with his car and the trio drove off to Sunnydale. 

Only a few minutes had passed, when Spike found himself staring up at four of his minions. 'Staring up?' He remembered what had happened. 'Where's Buffy?' 

"Spike, Angelus claimed the Slayer," one of them informed him. 

"That bastard! He's not Angelus, he's Angel, you ninnies!" he was outraged and smacked the messenger. 

"Should we go after them? Put a price on their heads?" another one tried. 

"No," he said, picking up the stake lying next to him. "Let them go." He felt unbearable sadness creep over him as he played with the wooden object. He had lost what little he had of her. 

* * *

Buffy was listening to Angel's story of all the things that had happened. She wanted to be happy about going home, Angel returning, his soul being permanent, but she couldn't help thinking that she'd never see Spike again. 

Angel couldn't believe she was sitting in front of him. He felt relieved, happy, but he could also feel something missing. 

"I'll help this new Slayer, Tracy," she said, after hearing Angel. "She seems nice." 

"Where do you want to go?" Giles shot back over his shoulder. 

"Home." 

Joyce was the happiest person alive and the most shocked one too, when she saw her dead daughter standing on the doorstep. 

The saviors left them and Giles returned home. He found Tracy sitting on the couch, reading a book. She looked up when he opened the door. 

"Hi. How did it go?" 

"Perfect. Buffy has a soul and will help you slay." 

"Good. That's all I wanted to know. I'm off to sleep. Good night." The Watcher looked after her, wondering why she was so sad, when Buffy had returned. 

Before going to sleep, Tracy opened the top drawer of her nightstand and looked at the blue spot on the test again. 

* * *

Tracy hid in the shadows as the group in front of her enfolded the cold body of the former Slayer with bright smiles on their faces. They were all talking at once and Buffy couldn't understand a word. 

"OK, OK, stop, before I go deaf from all of you shouting in my ear!" she tried to protest playfully. 

"Did Spike hurt you?" Giles asked. 

She looked away. 

"If you want to talk about it in private..." 

"No. He didn't do anything. He was... distant after he turned me," she lied a little. 

"But the bite on your neck..." Angel began. 

"That was just for the show. He wanted everyone to believe he was the mean vamp who had sired a slayer. He really never touched me. He just kissed me once and that was all." 

"That's very unlike Spike,"  the vampire noted. 

"I thought so too. Maybe the loss of Dru did this to him." 

"Drusilla is dead? How could this happen?" She was after all, his childe. 

"I don't know what has happened. He never told me. But I know that she's dead." Buffy looked around the room, her eyes searching for someone. "Where's Tracy?" 

"Here I am." She stepped out of the shadows. 

"Lurking in the shadows like Angel?" the former Slayer smiled. 

"I didn't want to interrupt. I know what they had all been going through because they thought that you were dead. It's nice to meet you, Buffy." She spoke quietly. 

"It's nice to meet you too, Tracy. I have heard a lot about you from Angel last night. However, we'll have more time to talk later. I'm ready for some action. Let's go slaying!" Buffy gave out the command. 

"We'll stay here and research. A new demon is reported to be coming this way and we should research it." Giles looked around the group, happy to have a good reason to be engrossed in the old tombs of knowledge. 

They all watched grinning as the little group consisting of two vampires and a Slayer headed out into the night. Their Buffy was back. 

Tracy walked behind the duo with her head down, hands stuffed in her pockets. It had been two hours since they had begun and the count for the night was already twelve vamps. She was amazed at the technique of the way they fought. They were a perfect pair and she was the third leg to be dragged behind. 

"Why don't we call it a night?" Buffy asked. "We could go to the library and report, then catch some sleep." Of course, sleeping was the last thing she wanted. 

"You'll go and spend some time together." Tracy hated saying this, knowing awfully well, why Buffy had decided to retire in such an early hour for a vampire. "I'll go to the library and report." 

"OK." 

"Are you sure you'll be all right?" Angel hesitated. 

"I'll be fine. Go already!" she managed a false grin. 

The Slayer watched them go and she felt an ache in her heart. Angel was happy and that was what really counted. And she had the baby. She rested a hand on her belly and turned towards the library. 

She found the group holding books and flipping through them and as usual, Willow was at the computer. Giles looked up to see his Slayer walk in. 

"Hello Tracy, how was slaying?" 

"Great. We dusted twelve vamps. How 'bout that for a body count?" 

"Wonderful!" 

"It's so great to have Buffy back!" Willow chimed. 

"You can learn a lot from her," Giles added. 

"Yeah, she's not even changed much. She's just like before she went away, the ol' Buffster," Xander noted. 

"Sunnydale can rest more easily now," Giles finished. 

"At least now I won't have to hear what Buffy would do. She can do it!" Tracy said. 

"What do you mean?" Giles asked. 

"I mean, I keep hearing what Buffy would do. I'm sick of it. Now I won't have to be her anymore. I can be just alone like I was before and I won't have to bear your little attempts at making false friends. You were just trying to replace her with me. Well, now she's finally back and you don't need me anymore to fill the gap in your hearts! It's good, because I couldn't have stood it for another minute! You have your precious Buffy back and I'm happy!" She started crying with big, round tears and ran out. 

"What was that about?" Xander looked baffled. 

"I guess she's right. All this time we were pretending that she's Buffy, but she's Tracy. I guess we hurt her," Willow tried. 

They all went back to their researching silently. Only Oz looked after her for another minute more. 

* * *

Tracy ran all the way home and once inside, picked up the phone. 

"When does the next bus to LA leave? In half an hour? Thanks." She put the receiver down and bolted for her room. 

Still crying, she stuffed her few things in the bag along with the test. Briefly, she looked at it. 

"You're happier if you don't know about this, Angel. If you don't know that a brief night you gave me now means my whole world to me." 

She lifted the bag and went to the living room. She dropped it when she saw the notepad lying next to the phone. She wrote a few words on it. 

_You don't need me anymore. I went away. Don't bother to search for me._

_Tracy_

As she went out, she tried to list the reasons for leaving. 

'They don't need me. They have their Buffy back. I won't have to look at her and Angel snuggling.' 

The dark night enfolded her and she looked up at the sky. The moon was gone again. The guardian of the night had made two circles since the night she lost her father. With quick steps, she headed towards the bus station nearby. 

* * *

Buffy was sitting on Angel's large bed in the mansion, wrapped in the vampire's arms. They were kissing hard, desperately. They both broke away the same time. 

"This doesn't work," Buffy said. "It's not there anymore." She looked down, away from Angel. "The feeling's just... gone." 

"It's all my fault. You were faithful to me and I wasn't to you." 

"Angel?" 

"I made love to Tracy one night. It was after her father had died. She actually asked me to. She told me she loved me and asked me to take her virginity away and I didn't stop. Though we haven't been together ever since. She found it better not to, because of you and me." 

"She's in love with you?" Buffy was surprised. She had given no indication of her feelings. "Oh, poor Tracy. The way I was acting tonight, making it so obvious. I must have hurt her." 

"I hope she'll get over it. She's so fragile." 

"I lied to you, Angel," she blurted out. 

"What?" 

"Spike and I did... well, I can't call it making love, but we did it once. On a bar." She laughed a little at how silly that sounded. 

"Let's try again. Maybe now it will be OK, that we got that out." 

"Aren't you angry?" 

"You were a victim, Buffy. I could never be angry at you. And are you angry with me?" 

"No. I could never either. You thought I was dead and Tracy's a nice girl and very pretty. She asked you and I guess it was nice of you to do it." 

They both looked each other in the eye and smiled. Their lips met again for a kiss. It was gentle and tender, neither trying to deepen it. 

"Oh Angel, I just can't do this!" Buffy jumped up from the bed. "I want to feel it, but I can't! Why don't I feel it anymore?!" She started to cry and Angel went to her. 

"What did you feel when Spike touched you? Tell me the truth. You need to." He took her hands and make her look at him. He was suspecting something. 

"I felt... I felt... I felt happy. Almost like my heart became alive. I don't want to feel that way towards him, Angel. This is sick and twisted. It must be because I'm a vampire. This is only the demon. Right?" 

Angel brushed the tears away and smiled. She looked so afraid. She reminded him of Tracy when he woke her up from her nightmare. 

"You didn't stake him." 

"No. I couldn't do it." 

"I thought so. Buffy, this isn't the demon. There is no more demon inside of you than there is in every human being. You love him." 

"No, I love _you_." She touched his chest. 

"Once you did, but a lot of things had happened since then. It just passed. You were clenching it so tight, you didn't realize that you were just hanging onto the shadow of it. Don't be afraid to acknowledge it. I know that although my childe is an annoying bastard at times, but he had always been different from all the rest. Just look at his relationship with Dru. Angelus knew that he loved her and that was why he fooled around with her in front of him. However, from what you're telling me, he has some feelings for you now. How did he act after you did it on the bar?" 

"He was drunk, so we just went to bed. But the day after he seemed even more distant and hardly looked at me. And all the time, I felt ... happy. But he looked... kind of sad, disturbed." Buffy was amazed at the realization that she had just made. 

"You see." 

"But I went away from him." 

"He'll come after you in a few weeks. He's usually very impatient and determined to get what he wants. If he doesn't, we'll just search for him and find him even if he hid in hell." 

"What about Tracy?" 

"What about her?" 

"Do you feel something for her?" 

His gaze grew distant as pictures of her appeared in his mind. She smiled, cried, fought, walked in front of him. Then her face was full of passion and love. She said his name and those magical three words. Her sleeping form was pressed tightly against him and she felt warm and soft. His undead heart beat again. 

"Yeah, I guess I fell in love with her. I have to admit it. She's so much like me, Buffy. We even walk with the same sagged shoulders and hands in our pockets. I guess we are both feeling the weight of our lives heavily. Lost many. She makes me want to protect her, give her a reason for living and have a reason for myself at the same time. We both need someone and I guess we found that in each other. When I thought you had died, I wanted to join you. I was kneeling at your grave and she went behind me, hugged me. She slept with me that night, but nothing happened. She just held me to comfort me and I didn't feel alone. Without her, I would be ashes now." 

"I'm happy for you, Angel. She's special." 

"Tomorrow I'm going to tell her." 

"Yes. Good night, or day, or whatever." She grinned. "See you tomorrow in the library. Don't forget to bring her. We'll just slay for a little while and then you can go and be happy." She smiled at her past love and headed out the door. 

"Bye!" Angel called after her. 'Tomorrow.' Angel smiled to himself and happily went to bed, imagining that from tomorrow, he would be lying there with her. 

* * *

Tracy was sitting on her bed in the dingy motel room in LA. There was a small pile of money in front of her and she was staring at it. 

"Five hundred dollars. This should support me until I get a job. Good thing I asked for money for my birthday. Dad knew that I would use it good. Oh, dad," she sighed. 

She looked around. The floor was dirty and bare, the bed cracking with every movement, sticking into her side. The bathroom needed some serious cleaning as well. The only good thing was the working TV. It actually had more than one channels. 

She flopped down on the bed and turned the TV on. She found an old movie called "Boom town". It was just the scene where the man played by Spencer Tracy found out that his love had married his best friend. He was devastated, but stood aside, because she said she loved the character that was Clark Gable. 

"Yeah, we do everything for the one we love," she said and turned it off. 

Tracy put the money away, under her pillow and fell asleep. 

* * *

Angel woke with a start. He sat up on his bed, trying to figure out why he had woken up so suddenly. It couldn't have been a dream, he didn't remember even dreaming anything. Then he heard it. A knock on the bedroom door. Yanking up some pants that rested on a nearby chair, he quickly pulled it on his naked form. Next, he walked to the door and opened it. 

"Giles. What are you doing here? You look worried." Alarm started to settle on him. "Is it Tracy? Did something happened to her?!" 

"Read this." Giles handed him the small paper he was clutching in his hand. 

_You don't need me anymore. I went away. Don't bother to search for me._

_Tracy_

"Oh Tracy." He ran a hand through his hair, messy from sleeping. 

"Last night she came into the library to report. We spoke to her about Buffy and she told us that she felt like... s-some kind of a... a substitute." 

"Just when I was going to tell her. Do you have any idea where she could have gone?" 

"No. What were you going to tell her?" 

"That I love her." 

Giles was shocked. Angel was supposed to love Buffy, no? 

"What about Buffy?" 

"We just don't feel that way anymore. She loves Spike." He smiled despite the situation. 

"Spike? But he turned her and held her captive." 

"It's the classical case of the slave falling for her master. That peroxide-headed bastard can creep into your heart in the strangest ways. He's not all that bad, really. He can love very deeply. He just had a difficult childhood, growing up on the streets of London. In my opinion, he never really lost his soul. He's still the same as he was." 

"Then how can he kill?" 

"You don't need to be soulless to be able to kill. Just look at the murder statistics. He was already a killer when he was turned. He was a thief, a mugger. He stayed alive. That's how. He just kept on doing what he had been doing before he was brought across. He's a survivor. Tough he hadn't been in love before he was a vampire. At least, as far as I know." 

"What will Buffy do now?" 

"Wait a little for him to come to her, then she'll go after him. I hope they'll be happy. Now, do some searching for Tracy. Maybe try at the bus station." 

"Good idea. I'm going there. I'll call you if I have news." 

"OK, I'll start searching for her after the sun sets." 

Giles left and he sat down on his bed. "Tracy," he sighed. 

* * *

It was a very cloudy day. The sun hadn't showed her face since the morning and judging by the thick blanket, it wouldn't today. Tracy looked up and smiled a little. How did the weather know what she was feeling like? She was walking on the street, searching for some kind of a job. Maybe a Starbucks. She turned down on an alley that led a shorter way to the next café, at least according to her map. That was when she could feel her slayer-sense kicking in and she immediately heard a voice with strong British accent. 

"Get up, you bloody sod! Sssshow your fuckin' face!" 

Before her, a peroxide blond vampire stood in a leather trenchcoat, pants and large boots. He was looking up at the sky with a bottle of Vodka in his left hand. He seemed to notice her as well, because he looked at her and headed her way. 

"Well! If it isn't the new Ssssslayer." He blocked her way and pocked his chest. "Stake me, please and put me out of my misery." 

Tracy had never before seen anyone so suicidal. Not even herself. It made her wonder. 

"Why do you want me to kill you?" 

"Because the damned sun just wouldn't do it. How dare it hide from me?!" 

"Why do you want to die?" 

"Because Buffy's gone. That bloody pillock of a sire of mine took her and now they must be shaggin' like bunnies." 

"You're Spike?!" she realized. 

"That I am, Sssslayer. How did you know?" 

"I come from Sunnydale. Yeah, Buffy's there. But why do you want to die? I mean, you'll just turn some other poor girl and everything will be the same." 

"No." He shook his head. "No. I want _her_ , no one else. I want to hold her and tell her what I should have in the first place. That she holds my undead heart in her little hands. Which ones I made so cold. Bloody hell." He looked down. 

"Well, her hands are full of undead hearts," her voice turned grim. A small tear escaped her eyelids to roll down her cheek. 

"Why are you crying, Sssslayer?" 

"She has Angel! Everyone is in love with her! I... I hate it!" She turned away and slammed her fists into the brick wall. It wasn't strong enough to go through, but a few bits of brick broke and fell on the ground. 

"And everyone's in love with Angel! I hate him!" He joined her and did the same. 

The two looked at each other and something dawned on Tracy. 

"You love her, right?" 

"Yeah, I bloody well love her. But I destroyed her." 

"She seemed fine to me. Why did she have to come back? I would have told Angel and some day he would have loved me, or at least the child." 

"Child?" 

"I'm pregnant from him. I don't know how it happened, but it can only be his." She thought for a few seconds, then asked. "How come we're so sure they don't love us?" 

Spike looked at her, puzzled. 

"What do you mean?" 

"What makes us think that they couldn't love us? Sure, they used to love each other, but a lot of things had happened since then." 

"You're right! What should we do now?" Spike didn't even realize that he was waiting for ideas from a slayer. 

"Go back to Sunnydale and ask them." 

"OK, I got a car," he smiled at her. 

"But you're drunk and I can't drive." 

"I'll shower and I'll be all right. Don't worry, I'm a vamp or something." 

She giggled and they went to get the vehicle, plus the shower. When they entered the hotel, the sun came out from among the clouds and shined brightly, trapping the two in the hotel until nightfall. 

They both laughed a little at nature's thoughtfulness. 

* * *

"Any news?" Angel came in the library. 

The others looked up at him. His face looked paler than usual, his eyes had dark circles around them. He seemed to show all of his years. They had heard about the strange cross of loves from Buffy and took his appearance as proof. 

"On the bus station they seemed to r-recognize her. She ... bought a ticket to LA.," Giles reported. 

"She could be anywhere." 

"Yes." 

"We'll find her." Buffy put a comforting hand on his arm. 

"What if she gets in trouble and I'm not there to protect her? I should have realized that I love her sooner." 

"You couldn't have known, Angel," Willow tried to calm him. 

"We shouldn't have acted the way we did. It's all our fault." Xander felt guilty and that was something rare. 

"She felt like a substitute that was just meant to overtake the place that previously Buffy had occupied," Joyce added. 

He just sat down on a chair. No one spoke, they just didn't know what to say. Suddenly, the doors swung open and Spike walked in with Tracy. They looked around as all eye fixed on them. Angel got up and ran for her, embracing the Slayer in his arms. Spike took it as his cue and did the same with Buffy, who was standing near the counter. 

"You're OK!" Angel said. 

Tracy was surprised to be hugged, but savored the feeling anyway. She welcomed any time she had the opportunity to be in his arms. 

"Yes, I'm OK, Angel. Does this mean that you've been worried about me?" 

"Yes. Tracy, I thought I'd never get a chance to tell you that I love you." 

Tracy's heart started thumping so loudly, she thought it'd burst. She started crying. 

"I love you too, Angel. But... But are you sure?" 

"Yes." 

"What about Buffy?" 

"I did love her very much, but it passed. In time it faded away and I didn't even realize it. I loved her because she's like the sun. So bright. However, she's not like me. You are, Tracy. You're like the moon. Shining, but not so brightly. I am the night. I'm solemn and quiet. You shine in my darkness, but doesn't cast me in the shadows. You understand, what I mean?" 

"Sure, Angel. I understand you. I also have something to tell you. I'm pregnant and the baby can only be yours. I don't know how it happened..." 

Angel silenced her with a kiss and spun her around. 

"Stop!" she laughed and he grabbed her and took her out of the library, not caring about the strange looks they were getting. He carried her all the way to the Mansion. 

Only a few steps from them, a similar scene was unfolding. After Spike finally held Buffy in his arms, he told her. 

"I love you, Buffy." 

"I love you too, Spike." 

He looked at her, a grin spreading on his face. 

"What about the pillock?" 

"Don't call him like that," she pretended to scold, but it was spoiled by a grin echoing his. "Would I be telling you this if I still loved Angel?" 

"Guess no. Let's go to somewhere more private." 

Buffy's eyes gleamed as she told him, "I think my house will be free tonight." She winked over to her mother, having seen how she looked at Giles. "Spike, just promise me one thing." 

"Anything, luv." 

"Will you act more like your old self and less like Angel in a brooding mood?" 

"Of course. If you promise that the old Buffy is back." 

"Deal." 

Spike grabbed her hand and they ran out the door. 

Joyce watched them, happy for her daughter and moved next to Giles, placing her hand in his. The two other couples stepped next to each other and they all left the place, hand in hand. 

No evil dared to come out that night. 

### The end


End file.
